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Movie Reviews
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 Movie

Year

 In short

 Fingers
13 Ghosts  2001 Lifeless, soulless crapfest.  1
 15 Minutes  2001 Same old preachy Hollywood bullshit.  2
 21 2008 Now they have to make Vegas suck for us too? 2
 The 25th Hour 2003 Spike Lee uses his talents for good, not evil 4
28 Weeks Later  2007 Ultimately, just another zombie flick.  3
200 Cigarettes  1999 Dreadful ensemble comedy.  2
3:10 to Yuma  2007 Better than the other 2007 westerns.  4
(500) Days of Summer  2009 Phony fucking baloney. 1
54  1998 Godawful, boring story of Studio 54 1
Adaptation 2002 One great high-wire act, until the guy falls 4
Adventureland 2009 A fine, fine college comedy. 4
Aeon Flux 2005 Fux fux sux fux sux sux sux 1
Affliction  1998 Really sad, Nick Nolte is good and restrained 4
A.I.  2001 A messy, contrived attempt at thoughtfulness 2
All or Nothing  2002 It's not the sadness that makes sad people interesting 2
Almost Famous  2000 Meandering and self-indulgent classic-rock story 2
Alone in the Dark  2005 A new low in "storytelling"? 1
American Beauty  1999 Fine story of suburban angst 4
American Movie  1999 Very funny story of inept moviemaker 3
American Pie  1999  Funny, sloppy teen comedy with tits. 3
American Psycho  2000 Pointless satire(?) of 80's greed 2
The Amityville Horror  2005 No good ideas? How about a remake? 2
Anchorman  2004 Ha ha, people dressed funny in the 70s. 2
Angels and Demons  2009 As if Catholic rituals weren't silly enough already.. 1
Anger Management  2003 More mature fart jokes from Sandler 1
The Animal  2001 One joke(?), eighty minutes 1
The Aristocrats  2005 Filthy fucking comedy. Dirty, dirty, dirty. 3
Art of War  2000  Pretentious, pointless, confusing thriller 1
Attack of the Clones  2002  A middling Star Wars story, and that's an improvement 3
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me  1999 Amusing but overly childish 3
Avatar 2009 Fancy-ass pictures and lame-ass story. 2
The Avengers  1998 A muddled disaster. Tiresome action 2
Babe: Pig in the City  1998 Absolutely wonderful. I should've given it five fingers 4
Bad News Bears 2005 What baseball means to assholes 2
The Bad News Bears 1976 What baseball means to kids 4
The Ballad of Jack and Rose 2005 Who let them make a movie out of an undergraduate liberal arts college short story? 1
The Bank Job 2008 Decent heist flick ruined by being a movie 3
Barnyard 2006 Hate your kids? Show them this. 1
Batman Begins 2005 Just another comic book movie, except not for kids and not for adults. 2
The Beach  2000 Bad story veers into ludicrousness 2
Because I Said So  2007 Made me shit my pants 1
Be Cool  2005 So uncool it hurts my nuts 2
Beetle Queen Conquers Tokyo  2010 If it walks like a student film, talks like a student film... 2
Be Kind Rewind  2008 It has its moments 3
Before Sunset  2004 Sweet, but, I don't know, bittersweet. 4
Behind Enemy Lines  2001 Make believe hogwash to encourage patriotism 2
Being John Malkovich  1999 Wildly overrated one-joke (a good one) movie 3
Best in Show  2000 The funniest movie of 2000 4
Best Worst Movie  2010 Just see the movie it talks about. 2
The Big Bounce  2004 Lazy postcard from Hawaii 2
Big Fish  2004 Phoney Baloney 2
Big Momma's House  2000 Jesus, this one sucks 2
The Black Dahlia  2006 Melodrama vs Noir and Melo wins by a knockout! 1
Black Knight  2001 But this one sucks worse 1
Blackhawk Down  2002 War Porn 2
Blade  1999 Better than expected, accidentally starring Stephen Dorff. 3
Blade II  2002 A dreadfully dull rerun 1
Blair Witch Project  1999 Effectively creepy, really cheap 4
Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows  2000 A huge turd, totally worthless. 1
Blood Diamond  2006 More smug, simplistic speechifying by Hollywood 1
Bloodrayne  2006 Uwe Boll craps his pants. 1
Bolt  2008 Animated Disney crap that don't stink much.. 3
Book of Eli  2010 Jesus says kill, kill, kill.. 2
Bounce  2000 Stupid Affleck/ Paltrow drama. Their fans get what they deserve. 2
The Bourne Identity  2002 A well-made genre actioner 3
The Bourne Supremacy  2004 Better than the first, better than most 4
The Bourne Ultimatum  2007 Man, it zips like a good fly 4
Bowfinger  1999 A funny story of moviemaking 3
The Break-up  2006 Kill unfunny yuppies 1
Brick  2006 Film school artsy bullshit 1
Brokeback Mountain  2006 Gay cowboys roping calves. 3
Broken Flowers  2005 A not-quite-cooked bittersweet story 3
Bruno  2009 Watch Borat instead. 2
Burn After Reading  2008 Do you like being insulted? 1
Butterfly Effect  2004 Perfect for 4-year old amateur psychologists 1
Capote  2006 Cold-blooded author writes about killers 4
Cars  2006 Kids homage to Route 66? 3
Casino Royale  2007 The rebirth of the same Bond. 3
Cast Away  2000 Half ad, half movie, half decent 3
Catch Me If You Can 2002 A decent chaser with Spielberg sap 3
Cats and Dogs 2 2010 A terrible thing to make children see 1
Cedar Rapids 2011 Indie film disguised as raunchy comedy 3
Celebrity  1998 Woody Allen's treading water 2
Center Stage  2000 Lame teen ballet movie 1
Changing Lanes  2002 Ben Affleck takes a dump 2
Charlie's Angels  2000 Mindless, but not quite mindless enough 3
Charlotte's Web  2006 Faithful and solid, like a good pig 4
Children of Men  2007 Dystopic and dyspeptic and lovely 4
Christmas with the Kranks  2004 Rips out Santa's heart and shits on it. 1
The Chronicles of Narnia  2005 Rips out children's hearts and glowers at them. 2
Cinderella Man  2005 formulaic boxingmovie that works. 3
City of Ember  2008 Sort of inert and dull for the end of the world. 2
City of God  2003 What happens when everything goes right with an experiment 5
A Civil Action  1998 Another John Travolta as serious actor pile 2
Clay Pigeons  1998 Decent country noir 3
Clerks 2  2006 Blibbidy blabbidy blah poop blah 1
Closer  2004 A fucking fraud 1
Club Dread  2004 A turd so lazy it missed the bowl 2
Cold Souls  2009 Fancy high-brow thinking in search of a story. 2
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind  2003 Uninvolving fantastical bullshit 2
The Constant Gardener 2005 Top-grade thriller. Smart shit. 4
Cop Out 2010 Lazy, retarded and lame. 1
The Corpse Bride 2005 Bad claymation with lots of singing. 2
The Count of Monte Cristo  2002 A lifeless mash of a great story 2
Couples Retreat  2009 Whiny married people rediscover love when we want them to discover a shotgun. 1
Coyote Ugly  2000  Laughably awful movie that should have nudity but doesn't 1
Crank: High Voltage  2009  A celebration of absolute, arrogant stupidity 1
Crash  2005 Hollywood would stop making crap if we loved each other 2
Crazy Heart  2010 Small can be a good thing. 4
Criminal  2004 Complete and total nonsense. 2
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon  2000 Holy fuck is this movie great 5
Cruel Intentions  1999 Dull and retarded telling of Dangerous Liaisons 2
Curse of the Jade Scorpion  2001 A plodding Woody Allen caper 3
Cyrus  2010 Oedpius wants to fuck you rmom. 3
Dan, in Real Life  2007 Crappity, crap, crap with a feminine laxative. 2
The Darjeeling Limited  2007 Look, ma, I'm JD Salinger! 2
Dave Chapelle's Block Party  2006 A long night 3
Dawn of the Dead  2004 Zombies run amok for your pleasure 4
The Day After Tomorrow  2004 Bad fucking Porn, about weather 1
The Day the Earth Stood Still  2008 Boring, preachy, stupid. Sucktastic. 1
Deep Blue Sea  1999 Dumb, dumb, dumb shark movie 1
The Departed  2006 Sylvester Stallone can blow it out his ass! 3
The Descent  2006 Chicks stuck in a spooky cave, in a good way 3
Deuce Bigalow: Retarded Fucking Gigolo  1999 Sets a new low for bad acting and directing 1
The Devil and Daniel Johnston  2006 Hard to love the crazy guy. 3
Diary of a Wimpy Kid  2010 Adolescence for pre-adolescents. 2
Die Another Day 2002 This is what suave is? 2
Dinner for Schmucks 2010 Hollywood preaches while it sins. 1
Divine Secrets of the Blah Blah Blah Blah  2002 More phony meoldrama about cackling women 1
Dogma  1999 Pretentious, misguided, poorly directed 2
Down to Earth

2001
Chris rock's failed attempt to become a romantic lead.

1
Down to You  2000 Goes below the lows set by Deuce Bigalow. Really lame, labored romantic comedy 1
Drag Me to Hell  2009 Puts the fun back in Hor(fun)ror. 4
Dreamcatcher  2003 What the Fuck? 1
The Dreamers  2004 This is some seriously stinky horseshit. 1
Driven

2001
Men loving men, and racing

2
Drumline

2002
Drumming should be inthe Olympics

2
Duets 2000 Exactly what Karaoke fans deserve 2
Dumb and Dumberer 2003 Painful and Painfuler 1
EDtv  1999 Moderately amusing, pretty sappy. 3
An Education  2010 Better to be schooled than get schooled. 4
Election  1999 Funny and nasty comedy about high school elections 4
Eight Legged Freaks  2002 Big spiders mean medium-sized fun 3
8 Mile  2002 Hip Hop crapera 2
Enemy at the Gates  2001 Could have been a good war story if it wasn't so fucking boring.  2
Envy  2004 A mammoth, foul turd. 1
Erin Brockovich 2000 Surprisingly good drama starring my future wife 4
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 2004 Something to think about, and not while you're jerking off. 4
The Ex 2007 Like crapping in your eyeballs 1
Exit Through the Gift Shop 2010 Either art or not, hard to say. 4
The Exorcist 2000 Rerelease of classic that will make you shit your pants 4
Extract 2009 A willfully unfunny comedy. 2
Extraordinary Measures 2010 Made-for-Tv movie at theater prices. 2
Eye of the Beholder 1999 Laughably bad, inconsistent and ridiculous 1
Eyes Wide Shut 1999 Well-directed dumb story 3
Factory Girl 2007 WProbably brought down prices on Warhol's paintings 1
The Faculty 1998 Weak horror. the scariest thing is when that fat fuck Harry Knowles shows up 2
Fahrenheit 9/11 2004 Soothes the liberal's soul, but not much else. 2
The Fast and the Furious 2001 Good racing, dumb everything else. 2
The Fast and the Furious 3 2006 Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. 1
Fellowship of the Ring (Lord of the Rings) 2001 A fan boy's wet dream. 3
Finding Neverland 2005 Keep looking. It ain't here. 2
Final Destination 2 2003 Gory shit, like a bloody stool 1
Fired Up 2009 Toothless, titless bad comedy 1
Forces of Nature 1999 A big fuck you from Hollywood 1
Friday Night Lights 2004 A movie about the evil of high school sports, with lots of sports 3
Forgetting Sarah Marshall 2008 Love hurts, obsession hurts more 3
The Forty Year Old Virgin 2005 Man loses virginity, after a while 4
Four Christmases 2008 Someone took a dump under the tree, again. 1
From Hell 2001 Horror misguided as London travelogue 2
From The Incredible Hulk to Kelly 2003 The singingest, dancingest monster movie ever! 2
Full Frontal 2002 Hollywood celerities should get shrinks because we sure as hell can't help them 1
Funny People 2009 Oh, man, I feel so sorry for the rich comedians 2
G-Force 2009 Just fucking dreadful. Don't make your kids watch it, 1
Galaxy Quest 1999 Funny Star Trek movie. Better to see at home where you don't have Trekkies sitting near you. 3
Get Low 2010 Get bored. 2
Get Smart 2008 Get bent. 1
Ghost Town 2008 Romantic comedy that doesn't totally suck. 3
Ghost World 2001 A funny, sad and nearly perfect tale of alienation and disenfranchisement. 4
Gigli 2003 Mind-bendingly, and nut-shootingly awful. 1
Gladiator 2000 Maybe the most expensive gay gladiator movie ever 3
Glitter 2001 The movie all Mariah Carey Fans truly deserve 5
Go 1999 A fantastic, furious story 4
Godzilla 2000 2000 The best Godzilla movie ever 5
Gone in Sixty Seconds 2000 a fucking waste of time, only one good chase scene 2
Goodbye, Lover 1999 Totally inept attempt at noir. Patricia Arquette stinks up the screen. 1
The Good Girl 2002 A boring movie about boring people. 2
Greenberg 2010 Whining, pouting, moping and bitching. Waaa waaa waaa. 2
The Green Hornet 2011 Wishes it were different, but doesn't have the balls or brains. 2
Green Zone 2010 Lame politics, lame movie. 2
Hamlet 2 2008 A boring movie about boring people. 2
Hancock 2008 Too fat, sloppy and pathetic to be funny 2
The Hangover 2009 Looks like a good time. 4
Hannibal

2001
A woefully disappointing sequel, dumbed down but trying to look smart.

2
Happiness 1999 Too much shock for shock's value 3
Happy, Texas 1999 One joke that goes on too long 3
Hardball 2001 Baseball for shut-in viewers of the Lifetime Channel 1
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle 2001 Stoners amusing only stoners. 1
Harold and Kumar 2 2003 Dude, I was sooo wasted.  
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 2010 A tiresome slog with no end. 2
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone 2001 A slavish adaptation of a book with potential 3
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban 2004 Don't let the kids see it 4
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 2007 Great book. Enough said. 3
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince 2009 Then, like magic, they're in love. 4
Hart's War 2002 A solid stalag drama until the last 20 minutes. 2
Head Over Heels

2001
Another shitty performance in another shitty movie for Freddie Prinze, Jr.

1
The Heartbreak Kid

2007
Break your legs instead. You'll laugh more.

1
Heartbreakers 

2001
Jesus Christ, just gouge out my eyes already. A dreadful "black comedy" with Love Hewitt posing as a grifter.

2
Hellboy

2004
Masturbatory Fanboy horseshit that excludes regular people

2
Hereafter

2010
Boring, thoughtless afterlife nonsense.

2
Hi-Lo Country 1999 Bad country from a Limey. Warning: stars Woody Harrelson 2
High Fidelity 2000 Good comedy about record store owner 3
A History of Violence 2005 Yep, it's violent all right. 3
The Hitcher 2007 Bad photocopy of a pile of shit 1
The Hoax 2007 Con men con suckers 4
Hot Fuzz 2007 An awesome cop action flick 3
The Hours 2003 Sour women making sour faces. 2
The House on Haunted Hill 1999 Terrible plot and dialogue, good scares 3
The House of D 2005 Fucking dreadful retard dramedy 1
How the Grinch Stole Christmas 2000 Fucking hateful pice of shit 1
How to Eat Fried Worms 2006 It's right there in the title. 4
How to Train Your Dragon 2010 Seriously, I didn't learn anything about training. 3
Hustle and Flow 2005 Pretty Memphis travelogue 3
I Am Legend 2007 Worst zombie movie ever. 1
I Heart Huckabees 2004 Bad fucking, pretentious, incomprehensible movie 1
Ice Age 2002 Great effects, stupid story 2
Ice Age 2 2006 Okay effects, hack story 2
Ice Princess 2005 The fantasy of every home-schooled teen girl come true 2
Igby Goes Down 2002 Passable Salinger ripoff 3
II Love You, Man 2009 Funny despite itself. 3
The In-laws 2001 As funny as hysterical children (which is who probably made it) 1
The Incredibles 2004 It's fucking art, man. Fun art, not the bad kind. 5
The Informant! 2009 Wacky, wacky, wacky music and spies!. 2
In Good Company 2005 Go ahead, call me a softie. 4
Inside Deep Throat 2005 Glitzy, empty documentary about porn 2
Insomnia 2002 A fantastic sleepy-time noir 4
Instinct 1999 Dumb monkeys posing as provocative drama 1
Iron Man 2008 Intelligent, for a turd. 2
Iron Man 2 2010 Very loud, considering there's nothing there.. 2
In the Land of Women 2007 Turdity-turd turd 1
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull 2008 Older, slower, weirder 3
I Spy 2002 I spy a turd! 1
The Italian Job 2003 Soulless, bland and action-packed! 2
It's Kind of a Funny Story 2010 Not the way they tell it, it isn't. 2
Jackass 2 2006 Stupid stunts that say so much. 3
Jeepers Creepers 2001 Powerful bad horror movie(?) 1
Jersey Girl 2004 Robots with vaginas. 1
Joy Ride

2001
Better than average psycho-after-teens-in-old-car movie

3
 John Carpenter's Vampires 1998 Even cheesier than intended 2
Josie and the Pussycats

2001
A tedious, unfunny insult to girl power

1
Journey to the Center of the Earth

2008
Avoid, especially if you don't get 3-D glasses at the door

2
Juno

2008
Man, I thought I disliked teenage girls, bt compared to this...

2
Jurassic Park 3 2001 the best in the series, which ain't saying a lot 3
Kill Bill, Volume 2 2004 Smug shit for people who say they love movies, but mostly love saying they do. 2
King Kong 2005 Too God damn much. 3
The King of Kong

2007

A funny as hell documentary about stuff that matters. 5
The King of California

2007

Dullest treasure hunt ever. 2
Kinsey 2004 Boring movie sort of about sex but mostly about Oscar 2
Kissing Jessica Stein 2002 Sexual identity as an NBC sitcom. 2
The Kid Stays in the Picture

2002
A brilliant documentary about the assholes who make movies

4
A Knight's Tale

2001
If you're dumb and a teenaged girl, you'll love it.

2
Knocked Up

2007
Wathicng babies get born was never so funny (but it's been hotter)

4
Kung Fu Hustle

2005
If you don't mind sitting by nouthbreathers, it may be worth seeing

3
Land of the Dead

2005
Pretty enjoyable flesh-eater

3
The Last House on the Left

2009
Snuff without the snuff.

2
The Legend of Bagger Vance 2000 Long-ass movie about angels and golf 2
The Life Aquatic 2005 Pretty, clever, wasted potential 3
Little Miss Sunshine 2006 Road comedy taken over by the NPR crowd. 2
Little Nicky 2000 Yet another turd in Adam Sandler's oeuvre 1
Lord of War 2005 Self-righteous horseshit. 1
The Losers 2010 Frat boy wet dreams splatter the screen. 1
The Low Down 2001 Bored Limeys have the decency not to complain 3
Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

1998
A good Tarantino rip off

3
MacGruber 2010 SNL takes another dump on us. 2
Madagascar 2005 Shit flinging lemurs 2
Magnolia 2000 An amazing ensemble drama about chance 5
The Man 2005 Jesus Fucking Christ. 1
Maid in Manhattan

2002
As crappy as the crappy title

1
The Majestic 2001 Watch Jim Carrey barf up horseshit speeches 1
Mamma Mia 2008 Less killing, more singing! 2
Man on the Moon 1999 Figure it out, Carrey, you're not a good actor 3
The Man Who Wasn't There 2001 As good a replica of noir as you'll find 4
The Matador 2006 No blood, some tears, fair comedy 3
Match Point 2006 Solid, boring infidelity drama. 2
The Matrix 1999 Enough to make an action-figure collector weep with joy *
Meet Joe Black 1998 Really long and boring, but okay 3
Meet The Parents 2000 Funny, but ignores women 3
Meet The Robinsons 2007 3-D never looked so irrelevant (except for in real life) 2
Meet The Spartans 2008 Like vomiting up shit 1
Memento

2001
Interesting, different, but also a little shallow

3
Men in Black II

2002
A rote sequel, just good enough to cash in.

2
Message in a Bottle 1999 Lame weepy for the Lifetime Channel lover 2
Mickey Blue Eyes 1999 Completely formulaic bullshit 1
Midsummer Night's Dream 1999 Hatchet job on Shakepseare 2
A Mighty Wind 2003 Funny because it's almost true 4
Million Dollar Baby 2005 Chicks fight, but it ain't hot 3
The Minority Report 2002 This is what passes for dark in Spielberg's world? 2
Mission: Impossible 2 2000 Fucking awful, Tom Cruise sucks pits 2
Mission to Mars 2000 One of 2000's worst, featuring weeping aliens 1
Monkeybone

2001
A lame, confusing animation/live-action mix.

2
Monsters vs. Aliens

2009
Sci-fi monsters revived, barely.

2
Morvern Callar

2003
Boring ass kids mope around all day.

2
Moulin Rouge

2001
Over the top, and then still keeps going

2
Mr. 3000

2004
If you thought baseball was boring...

1
Mulholland Drive

2001
Like a good bad dream that stays with you

5
The Mummy Returns

2001
Lots of special effects, and that's all.

2
Mumford 1999 Misguided new-agey nonsense 2
Murder By Numbers 2002 A bad 90s Psychological Thriller for the new millennium 1
The Muse 1999 Albert Brooks fucks up. It's just not funny 2
My Bloody Valentine 2009 Terrible if not in 3D. Bad if in. 2
Mystery Men 1999 A great idea completely wasted 2
The Negotiator 1998 The same story told over and over 2
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist 2008 Cute people do cute things, but don't die. 2
A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010 Ugly people do ugly things, and die. 1
Nim's Island 2008 No movie for children, or adults, or animals 2
No Country for Old Men 2007 No movie for children 4
Notting Hill 1999 Funny, cute, terrible ending 3
Nurse Betty 2000 Weird subversion of Hollywood standards 4
The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps 2000 Bad, crude, tired and overly loud 2
O Brother, Where Art Thou 2001 If you love PBS, you might like it 2
Obsessed 2009 Mechanical like a pencil, but not as interesting 1
Ocean's 11 2001 Good, but not cool 3
Ocean's 12 2004 Pray there's no 13 2
Ocean's 13 2007 Pray there's no 14 2
Office Space 1999 Very funny, weird paced office comedy 3
Old School 2003 Immaturity ain't so bad 3
Open Water 2004 Sharks aren't as scary as yuppies. 2
Orange County 2002 So lazy they didn't even bother to visit the county they write about 2
The Orphanage 2008 Boogedy boogedy boogedy 3
The Other Guys 2010 Too much stuff, too little funny. 2
Outside Providence 1999 Not funny but very sappy 2
Over the Hedge 2006 Hypocritical kids' movie 2
Panic Room 2002 Dreary, overblown Hitchock ripoff 2
Pan's Labyrinth 2007 The bloodiest child fantasy ever 4
The Passion of the Christ 2004 Jesus must be pissed 2
Pay it Forward 2000 Hollywood pandering at its second worst 1
Pearl Harbor 2001 Rah-rah, America makes great wars and shitty movies 1
Pecker 1998 Funny and actually touching Jon Waters 4
The Perfect Storm 2000 Big waves, hammy acting 2
Permanent Midnight 1998 Lame, self-indulgent drug tale 2
Persepolis 2008 People can be boring even in hard times 2
Peter Pan 2004 Bipolar rendition both genuine and fake 3
Phone Booth 2003 Really long at 80 minutes. 2
Pineapple Express 2008 Really long at 100 minutes. 2
Pirates of the Caribbean 2 2006 Cut the grease and 60 minutes. 2
Pirates of the Caribbean 3 2007 More of the same bloated shit. 2
Planet of the Apes 2001 I'd rather be on Planet of the ape shit 1
Planet 51 2010 IA big "Fuck you, may I have your money?" 2
Pooh's Heffalump Movie 2005 Something for the little Filthy in your life. 3
Poseidon 2006 Unpleasant, loud remake of an unpleasant, long movie 1
The Prestige 2006 You like magic? Seek help. 2
Princess Diaries 2 2004 Horrificaly violent and pointless sequel to original 1
Proof of Life 2000 Half-good thriller, half-bad love story. Meg Ryan is in the bad half 3
Psycho 1998 Totally pointless remake of a great story 3
Punch Drunk Love 2002 A nearly successful romantic experiment. 3
Pushing Tin 1999 Bullshit for the sensitive male. John Cusack at his smug worst. 2
Queen of the Damned 2002 A fucking awful pile of shit about hipster vampires 1
The Quiet American 2003 Beautiful and sad thriller 4
Quills 2000 Watered down and overacted Marquis 2
R V 2006 Lifeless load of retread crap 1
Rachel Getting Married 2008 Oh, those poor old rich people are so sad. Boo hoo. 2
Raising Victor Vargas 2003 Genuinely sweet. I swear to God. 4
Ratatouille 2007 Rat cooks, audience yawns. 2
RED 2010 Ancient old people shoot guns a lot. 2
Red Dragon 2002 At least Hannibal's good 3
Reign Over Me 2007 As long as they make movies about 9/11, they might as well be as shitty as the others. 2
Reindeer Games 2000 Bad, very bad caper movie with Ben Affleck sucking ass 2
The Replacements 2000 A shitty football comedy for people who don't watch football 1
Return to Me 2000 Overly sentimental pap 1
Revenge of the Sith 2005 Darth Vader is a bad, bad man 3
Riding the Bus with my Sister 2005 Made for TV Rosie O'Donnell retard movie 2
The Ring 2002 If this is what passes for scary, kid's today are pussies. 2
The Road 2002 Not as fun a road trip movie as I expected. 2
Road to Perdition 2009 It works as a furniture catalog, with the actors as furniture 3
Rock Star 2001 Hair Metal Shakespearean Tragedy. What could be worse? 1
Rocket Science 2007 Fucking garbage for the pretentious set. 1
Romeo Must Die 2000 Martial arts meets hip-hop and nobody survives 2
The Royal Tenenbaums 2001 As tasty a mess as Mrs. Filthy's cornflake casseroles 3
Rules of Attraction 2002 It fucking blows 1
Run, Lola, Run 1999 A great, fast moving story with bad music 4
Rush Hour 2 2001 Offensive, stale, humorless tripe. 1
Rushmore 2000 The greatest story ever told, or close to it 5
Sahara 2005 Holy shit is this thing loud. 2
Saw 2004 The bloodiest turd I've seen since a week at cancer summer camp 1
Scary Movie 2000 One thousand dirty jokes, ten work 2
Scary Movie 2

2001
A brutal crime against humanity

1
The Science of Sleep

2006
It's all so fucking pretty.

5
The Score

2001
Marlon Brando is fat.

2
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

2010
A comic book movie that looks like a comic book.

3
Seabiscuit

2003
Secret Window

2004
Secret Window, not so secret crappiness.

2
Secretary

2002
A very good love story that also happens to be about bondage

4
Semi-Pro

2008
Will Ferrell's gotta give up this schtick, please

1
Serendipity

2001
Yuppies in love, or their interpretation of it

2
A Serious Man

2009
A shallow, bitter examination of something profound.

2
Sex and the City 2

2010
It was great to see these women brutally killed.

4
Sex Drive

2008
Lame, mushy and not nearly enough nudity

2
Shadow of the Vampire

2001
More entertaining than creepy, but enjoyable.

3
Shaft 2000 A decent Shaft movie, but no nudity and no sex. Fuck that shit. 3
The Shaggy Dog 2006 Shitty remake bound to dredge up bad memories 1
Shallow Hal 2001 Fat girls are okay too, says Hollywood, but we won't hire them. 2
The Shape of Things 2003 Boring, pretentious, annoying. And awful too. 1
Shaun of the Dead 2004 Zombies can be funny, and sexy too. 3
Sideways 2004 Losers, but mostly lovable. 4
A Simple Plan 1998 A great, simply told thriller about four men and $4 million. 4
The Simpsons Movie 2007 God damn I love the Simpsons 4
Simone 2002 A muddled, fraudulent "comedy" about Hollywood 2
Slacker 1991 A beautiful film about going nowhere. 5
Slackers 2002 The horrible result of an 8-year old with a dirty mind. 1
SLC Punk! 1999 A total injustice to punks, made by people who don't get it 2
Sleepy Hollow 1999 A good, creepy gothic story 3
Slumdog Millionaire 2008 Indian kid wins a million, gets hot chick. 3
The Slums of Beverly Hills 1999 Occasionally labored, often funny coming of age 3
Small Time Crooks 2000 Woody Allen fails to recapture old glory 2
Smoke Signals 1998 A small, sweet movie that's about real Indians, not make believe "spirits" 4
Snatch 2001 Overhyped movie about stupid men 2
The Social Network 2010 Something about a web site that gets you laid. 3
Solaris
2002
Sleep-inducing, but pretty to look at
3
Son of Rambow
2008
Phony indie crap
2
Spanglish
2004
Self-serving Hollywood horseshit
1
Speed Racer
2008
True to the TV series' crappiness
2
Spiderman 2002 Decent but just like every other superhero movie 3
The Spiderwick Chronicles 2008 Too much like every other kids' fantasy 2
Star Treks: The Movie: 2 2009 Super-duper-duper awesome Star Treks *
Star Wars: The Clone Wars 2008 Cash grab, crap ass. 2
Starsky and Hutch 2004 Just another crappy cheap shot at the 70s 2
State and Main 2000 Unfunny and sloppy "satire" 2
Stay 2005 Psycho-thriller--suuuuuuucks 1
Step Brothers 2008 Growing up su-ucks. 3
The Stepfather 2009 Barely even qualifies as a movie. 1
Stir of Echoes 1999 A decent horror flick.. Even Kevin Bacon isn't bad 3
Storytelling 2002 Self-indulgence blocks a good idea 2
The Straight Story 1999 Richard Farnsworth, David Lynch and a great story of personal triumph 4
Stuart Little 1999 Leaden chidren's comedy that assumes kids are retarded 2
Summer of Sam 1999 A complete mess 2
Superbad 2007 If only there were boobs 3
Supersize Me 2004 More artsy choir preaching 2
Superstar 1999 Another awful SNL skit 1
Surrogates 2009 Oooo, robots, oooo. 1
Sweet and Lowdown 1999 Woody Allen succeeds in recapturing old glory 4
Swimfan 2002 A contrived and unoriginal teen "thriller" as welcome as drowning. 1
Swimming Pool 2003 A flick that's honest-to-god sexy. I love boobs. 3
Tadpole 2002 The kind of show-offy shit that gives arthouses a bad name 2
The Tailor of Panama

2001
Middle-aged spies and liars story in Panama

3
Taken

2009
Mindless and retarded action for the truly dim-witted

1
Taking Woodstock

2009
Dirty, sweaty hippies love.

2
The Talented Mr. Ripley 1999 Overly arty, long psycho-drama 2
Tarzan 1999 More of the same Disney shit with the added insult of Rosie O'Donnell 2
Team America 2004 Butt, wiener, repeat. 2
The Terminal 2004 Horseshit sprinkled with saccharine. 1
Terminator 3 2003 A fine fucking action movie 4
Terminator Salvation 2009 Lifeless, humorless techno snore 2
There Will be Blood 2008 Hi, Charles Foster 2
There's Something About Mary 1998 A crass comedy done right 3
The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada 2006 Tommy Lee Jones masturbatory politicizing 2
Three Kings 1999 Well-made, overly preachy comedy with lots of war 3
The Time Machine 2002 Super silly and corny but it thinks it's serious 2
Tomb Raider

2001
Almost bearable ripoff actioner.

2
Tomcats

2001
A particularly inept attempt at gross-out comedy

1
Torque

2004
Dorque.

1
Touch of Evil 1958 Dirty, sleazy noir masterfully made by Orson Welles 4
The Tourist 2010 Who knew big old piles of turd could be so boring? 1
Toy Story 2 1999 A terrific movie for kids and adults. Treats everyone intelligently 4
Toy Story 3 2010 Everyone's getting a bit long in the tooth. 3
Traffic 2001 Good, occasionally obvious drug drama 3
Transsiberian 2008 Cold, boring, lame 2
The Triplets of Belleville 2004 Tiresome animation 2
Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story 2006 Fucking funny adaptation of an unfilmable novel 4
Tron: Legacy 2010 Fat fucking fanboys love their poop. 1
True Grit 2011 Faithful adaptation of a great book. 3
Tully 2003 Fair, sometimes corny and fake rural drama 3
Turistas 2006 Derivative, low-boobage horror crap 2
The Two Towers 2002 Eye-popping boredom 2
U-571 2000 A better-than-expected submarine war story 3
Unbreakable 2000 Silly comic book story treated like War and Peace 2
Undercover Brother 2002 Bad fucking mojo, man 1
Unfaithful 2002 Well made but empty morality tale 3
Up 2009 Good but not best Pixar. 4
Up in the Air 2009 Sometimes it's good to be alone. 3
Valentine

2001
Why would anyone make such a lame, cliched horror movie?

 1
Van Helsing

2004
Bad, bad, really fucking bad

 1
Vanilla Sky

2001
Hollywood tries to get profound, and fails

 1
Vicky Cristina Barcelona

2001
Woody gets wood, and is funny again.

 4
Waking Life 2001 A somewhat disappointing experiment with fabulous animation 3
Walk Hard 2008 Walk is the key word. Walk slow and sort of lame. 2
Wall-E 2008 Some brilliant riffing on the fat and lazy. 4
Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit 2005 It's sincerely good 4
Wall Street 2: You're Gonna Sleep 2010 Preachy, snoozy, belabored and no fun. 2
Waltz with Bashir 2009 A brilliant and humble exploration of memory. 4
War of the Worlds 2005 Well, at least it's loud 2
Watchmen 2009 Jimmy Critic loves it. *
The Waterboy 1998 Not quite as funny as chopping off one of your own fingers 1
Welcome to Mooseport 2004 Coulda been good comedy if they made it funny. 2
Wedding Crashers 2005 If you want to pay $9 to see a flash of tits, go for it. 2
Wedding Date 2005 Perfectly bland for people with very weak hearts and not sex lives. 2
What Planet Are You From? 2000 Not great, but pretty funny for the first half 3
Where the Heart Is 2000 Hollywood pandering at its worst 1
Whipped 2000 Totally offensive, unfunny comedy about unlikable, mean, childish people 1
The Whole Nine Yards 2000 About as funny as its inexplicable Montreal setting 1
Wicker Park 2004 A loved poem to stalking as romantic pasttime. 1
Willard 2003 Fucking dreadful "hip" remake of a fucking dreadful horror movie 1
White Noise 2005 Worthless piece of horseshit horror nonsense 1
The Wrestler 2009 Good performances, corny plot. 3
X-Men 2000 Too many characters too little excitement 2
X-Men 2 2003 See above. 2
XXX 2002 The end of extreme sports popularity 1
Year One

2009
As limp and lame as a drunk man's dick.

1
You Can Count On Me

2001
A wonderfully funny and moving story about a fuck up brother. My sisters should see it.

4
You Don't Get Shit on by the Zohan

2008
Why don't you kill yourself first.

1
You Kill Me

2007
A load of cutesy horseshit.

1
You Me and Dupree

2006
So bad your bones will ache with sadness.

1
Your Friends and Neighbors 1999 Too many yuppies acting like assholes without being funny 2
Youth in Revolt 2010 Hipsters can't overcome triteness of coming of age. 2
You've Got Mail 1998 Warmed over horseshit that even the actors and director don't believe 1
Y Tu Mamá También 2002 The saddest teen road comedy with the most explicit sex. Something for everyone. 3
Zodiac 2007 Serial killers are creepy. 4
Zombieland 2009 Zombies inspire good flicks.. 4
Zoolander

2001
Did you know male models are stupid? And so are the makers of this crap.

2

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See Who Won the 1998 Filthies