school is a time to work all the jackassedness out of your bones.
Those are four years where you can do the stupidest shit you can
think of and get away with it using the excuse "They're just kids."
Who among us didn't wreck a car, impregnate a girl, get impregnated,
fuck a goat, accidentally light our arm casts on fire trying to
impress a girl with a match trick or be part of a drunken mob
convinced that one of the cheerleaders was a witch and drown her,
and then spend your adult life bolting upright in bed, sweaty
and shaking, from recurring dreams that they'd dredged Miller
Pond and found the dessicated corpse? It's okay. You're forgiven;
you didn't know any better. Blame it on hormones.
We all think
our adolescences are unique, but as the years roll by we realize
they weren't. Our formative years were filled with universal themes
and common experiences, and thatís why they are so easy to tap
into for comedy fodder. We all had failed romances, tests we flunked
and a speeding ticket or accident. Who doesnít remember the first
time you got drunk as a freshman and woke up in a halo of vomit
on the floor between the philosophy stacks in the library? And,
oddly, you liked the feeling, the way it numbed your genitals
and hands and muffled your critics. So, you tried it again and
again, experimenting with the balance of muffling, numbness, vomiting
and hangover, all in the name of youthful indiscretion. Think
of the comedy a good writer could pull out of your friendless,
awkward sophomore years getting bombed on Carlo Rossi wine in
your bedroom, masturbating to soap commercials. Relive that summer
when a friend tried an ìinterventionî so you poured sugar in his
gas tank as revenge. Or, imagine the thousands of hours wasted
complaining about there being nothing to do, and how those hours
probably could have been spent doing homework, studying, finding
a vocation or at least not drunkenly riding the quarter-operated
pig outside the K-Mart.
too bad that Dumb and Dumberer has no interest in the common
follies of our teen years. If it did, maybe it wouldnít suck so
much. At worst, it would portray the follies of the kids we wish
we were, like Porky's. But at least you could say it had
a purpose; that is, exposing boobs to boys. As it is, I can't
figure out why the fuck anyone would make this movie, other than
money, of course. But that would be crass.
Dumberer is a "prequel" to the Jim Carrey flick Dumb and
Dumber. Just like Candy Bottoms' quadruple-X masterpiece Always
Up the Butt, Every Time, this movie's title tells you everything
you need to know about what it contains; that second "er" perfectly
captures the level of humor. It has none of the stars of the original,
just two actors mimicking them as high-school students in a remarkably
low-budget comedy. How low budget? Well, one character's chipped
tooth is made to look that way with the same cheap black wax shit
kids buy for Halloween. How low? The star cameos are by Bob Saget
and some girl from "Newhart." That's pretty fucking low rent;
lower than rat-infested warehouse space in Pierre, South Dakota.
The plot of
Dumb and Dumberer is hardly worth mentioning since it wasn't
worth developing. There's something about a corrupt school principal
(Eugene Levy) who is caught through the retarded heros' unknowing
blundering. Along the way, about a dozen subplots are blundered,
misplayed or just dropped faster than a date with a marching band
girl with a cold sore. There is a feeble attempt at romance and
an even weaker attempt to find a part for Luis Guzman to play.
I think these scenes were meant to be funny, but why Guzman? Why
so many random bits that could be justified if they were part
of a joke, but aren't?
the gross-out gags and the increasingly tiresome "We're fucking
idiots" jokes, nobody has a thing to do. Levy plays the standard
evil principal, but without any jokes. Same with Cheri Oteri as
the "wacky" lunch lady. She wasn't funny on Saturday Night Live
and, voila! She isn't funny here. She and Levy wander through
the script, looking for the punchline that's supposed to come
prepackaged with the lame stereotypes they play. They never find
it, so why fucking bother? The hot girl (Rachel Nichols) is just
that, a very pretty girl without a Goddamn thing to do except
make me realize she's a shitty actress who would fit beautifully
into Hustler's "Barely Legal."
and Erik Christian Olsen could probably make millions for their
impressions of Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels from the original Dumb
and Dumber. I'm sure that we as a nation are fucking stupid
enough to pay them that much. But, what would have been nice is
if these two actors brought something, anything, to these roles
other than the ability to mimic. Hell, if I wanted to see the
original I would have rented it.
Give the cast
and director credit for trying really hard. They just keep pouring
it on and on, at antic levels, desperately trying to please the
audience. I saw Dumb and Dumberer at a screening, with
an audience composed of the folks who have radio stations phone
numbers on their speed-dial so they can keep trying for free movie
tickets, and then they actually show up. You know, unattractive
people with bad hygiene who think they're friends with the deejays.
It was an audience predisposed to laugh at anything. And they
did, for a while. Toward the end of the movie, though, even they
were worn out; plum tuckered by the endless repetition. I can't
imagine how people will react if they pay for this.
It's a lot
of imitation, a running shit-smearing joke, fart bubbles in a
swimming pool, and even a pathetically worn-out bit where one
character whispers through a window to the other what to say to
a girl. Hilarity would ensue, if only someone had thought of some.
The timing is bad, the jokes are older and nastier than a West
Colfax whore, and there's no reason to care. That's nothing like
my high school experience. Well, except for the whore. One
Finger for Dumb and Dumberer.
to tell Filthy Something