man. I wish I had taken one more week off. Hell, I wish I'd been
hit by a truck on the way to the Olde Town Cinema and missed Aeon
Flux. Traction and a cast has got to be better than this shit.
What a depressing showcase for the worst architecture of Bauhaus.
Flux is a high school sci-fi club's wet dream; if they made
it themselves. It's full of the hackneyed big ideas that weird
outsiders obsess over. And just like high school kids, it mostly
mutters incoherently to itself.
Theron, getting back to being a shitty actress after some gold-digging
performances in super-serious Oscar-type crap, plays Aeon Flux,
a rebel in a dystopian future-world shaped by the Sharper Image.
The world's population, which this movie estimates at 500 million,
so only off by six billion, was mostly wiped out by a disease
before Marton Csokas found a cure and created a walled-in community
for the survivors.
plot, which hit us in drab greasy blobs of expository dialog is
some goth kid's wet dream about cloning and a perfect society
collapsing because the clones are beginning to remember past lives,
and some asshole who wants to live forever killing off women who
get pregnant because that means no clones. Theron and Csokas,
who just happened to be lovers in previous lives, must team up
to fight their former allies and save society. Nothing original,
but the movie was made by a director and writers so fucking clueless
they think this is really deep thinking, or at least original
enough to presented with an awestruck flatness.
stupid as the plot is, the pacing makes it even less watchable.
Aeon Flux is made up as it goes. Very little in previous
scenes establishes or shapes what comes next. No tension builds
because it's damn near impossible to understand what's at stake.
There is almost no emphasis on a timeline that gives action any
urgency, either. Just, "the characters go here and see some
cool shit, then they go there and get in a fight and see some
more cool, shit. Then there's this other fight, and Theron uses
some cool spy shit, but only once, and not later when it would
be equally convenient." Characters are sent on missions more
to show off some mediocre location than to
I wouldn't call Aeon Flux lazy so much as it is incompetent,
like everyone involved was in way over their heads. And I guess
that's better in moviemaking than in engineering or surgery. Fuck,
if this thing were the operating room, someone would have a hand
sewed onto his face. If it were engineering, the top three floors
of a Holiday Inn would be filled with sewage. But, it's just a
movie, so nobody lost anything except the audience losing nine
bucks a pop. And the makers might get rewarded for that.
movie looks as cheap as a ring from the TG&Y, and it uses "found"
locations that some location scout emerging from a thirty-year
coma thought looked really futuristic. I guess it's mostly Berlin,
but it looks like Berlin circa 1980, all lifeless, concrete, and
crummy. There is one scene where Theron tries to break into something
that looks exactly like Montreal's Olympic Stadium. Fuck, the
last time someone actually wanted to get in there was 1981, before
the baseball strike. The special effects are as low-grade as anything
you'll find in a small-state film school, and the indoor sets
are generic futuristic claptrap like labyrinths, white labs with
beakers full of bright fluids, and kookie 70s Italian furniture.
first, director Karyn Kusama goes overboard with the silly little
gadgets, like phones built into ears and marbles that come when
called, and then explode. But it's all Sharper Image shit, things
that look cool but make no sense: Yeah, the toaster has great
speakers, but all I want is fucking toast. Kusama seems to get
tired of all the fancy gewgaws by the end, though, so she falls
back on a good old-fashioned gunfight.
it's not good at all. None of the action is. It's sloppy, confusing
and built like a 1986 Hyundai Excel: made completely from borrowed
parts. A little Matrix here, a little Die Hard there.
Although, maybe I'm giving Aeon Flux too much credit. It's
actually ripping off the worst of the Matrix and Die
Hard rip-offs like Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever.
least the action has more life than the dialog, though, which
is all said with a flatness and disinterest that is supposed to
sound cool. It's like the eulogies at a funeral for someone nobody
liked. Hell, maybe Theron and Csokas can speak at mine some day.
I don't think any dialog scene was shot more than once, unless
Kusama stopped the actors and said, "Let's try it again with
less feeling." The words said are so ponderous. Every
damn line is supposed to be profound, but only in the most superficial
way, like the saying on coffee mugs about seizing the day or choosing
your own path, Sexy Senior Citizen, blah blah blah.
is as hard to watch as blood dripping from a hangnail. She want
to be cool and tough and fails as badly as the kid who came to
my apartment for Halloween dressed as a pink Darth Vader. She's
a secret spy who is supposed to be inconspicuous, but can't resist
wearing the most outrageous outfit in any room she enters. Black
in white rooms, white in black rooms. It's a case where the costume
designer had more control than the director. And the costume director
was a retarded ape.
looks like a marginally more handsome Kevin Spacey. We are supposed
to believe he is caring and benevolent, but then why the fuck
has he plastered his picture everywhere like he's Saddam Hussein?
I mean, when was the last time you heard of a benevolent leader
getting off on building-sized murals of himself on every corner?
Once again, misguided design over common sense.
Flux is bad, bad like a cold or herpes, bad in a way you could
avoid if you tried. And you should, because this One Finger
shitfest sucks ass.
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