Edited by Dan

For the second consecutive year and at great expense, the Big Empire has convened a panel of world-class experts in the fields of rocket scientry, brain surgeonery, pre-historical history and armithmathematics to determine the best stuff of the Millennium, 1001 to 2001. These lists are in addition to the First Best of the Millennium List developed last year, and do not usurp or replace them. Where the lists conflict each other is where someone's trying to blow your mind, man.

The lists have been developed using the most advanced computers and selection algorithms. Our scientists are made perfectly aware of all objects, events, people and places that have ever existed (known from historical record and just assumed to have existed). The scientists then scrutinize all possible options before ranking the Best (most defining, worst tasting and most troll-like) of the preceding millennium.

This year's lists were comprised by an elite crew of the 364 most accomplished and intelligent scientists in the world. The study cost the Big Empire $17,000,000 for administration, office supplies and overhead. In order to ensure impartiality, nobody received a salary or monetary compensation for their participation. However, the Big Empire did give everyone foreign white sports cars and paid for TGIF parties at Bennigan's. Scientists love to party at Bennigan's.

Without further ado, here is the 16 Best Lists of the Millennium:

16. The 15 Least Celebrated Holidays
15. The 15 Smallest Objects of the Millennium
14. The Ten Best Movies About Cannibalism
13. The 20 Worst-Tasting Candies
12. The 20 Best Wrestling Maneuvers, Martial-Arts Moves or Yoga Positions
11. The Ten Best Checkers Moves
10. The Ten Prettiest Prescription Drug Names
9. The 25 Best Trades of All Time
8. The Top 30 Highs of Life
7. The 25 Best Insults of All Time
6. The 20 Biggest Business Blunders of the Past Millennium
5. The 25 Most Bizarre Things Found in Human Stomachs
4. The 25 Most Reprehensible Comedies
3. Top 20 Most Troll-like Celebrities
2. Top Ten Playing Cards
1. The 58 Most Defining Moments in History

Big Empire

Post-it Theater

Las Vegas

Filthy Critic

Gooden Worsted

Mrs. Filthy

Sake Drenched Postcards

Big Empire Buddies

©2001 by Randy Shandis Enterprises. Questions or Comments?