At Big Empire, we spare no expense to bring you information on the most important, most talked-about, most influential, smallest, and worst tasting. We assembled very ritzy perk packages to entice the world's most intelligent and incisive thinkers to help us get the best information to you. So we were as astonished as anybody was when our panel of 30 business experts came back with nominees that were so divergent. Eighteen judges took trades to mean acts of barter, swaps. Eleven took trades to mean professions, livelihoods. And one flickering bulb thought we were talking about trade routes. Where that came from, we cannot begin to guess! Anyway, here's the list

25. Charmander for Jigglypuff (5)
24. Showing boobs for Mardi Gras beads (7)
23. Aluminum storm door installation (10)
22. Blacksmithy (15)
21. Jack's money for magic beans (15)
20. Shoe salesman (15)
19. Sot-weed faction (15)
18. Sterling Hitchcock for D'Angelo Jimenez (15)
17. Being a daredevil (18)
16. Trading a Steve Garvey card for a Rube Walker (18)
15. A fur coat for my wife (19)
14. Beating swords into ploughshares (19)
13. Anything for sex (20)
12. The Dick Sargeant for Dick York switcheroo (20)
11. Ditch digging (20)
10. Truck driving, especially in the '70s (20)
9. Spiderman #3 plus the entire Rom series for X-men #94 (22)
8. The infamous Zinger-for-Twinkie exchange (25)
7. Fists of Iron for Buns of Steel (30)
6. The Tots for Toys Program (35)
5. Tit for tat (45)
4. Butter for fat (46)
3. Your face for my butt (50)
2. Twenty-three dollars worth of junk jewelry for Manhattan Island (61)
1. The best years of my life for you walking all over me (70)

You sure made out like a bandit, didn't you? How could you do that, you son of a bitch? I thought you loved me! Those were the best years of my life! Oh, you sure charmed my socks off-not to mention my undies-with your "dance to the rhythm of my love" and "can't you feel my heart pounding for you?" And now look at you! Lazy, mean and good for nothing. And look at me! You've used me up, and now you want to discard me like one of your stained hankies. I hate you! Get out! Get out!

Honorable Mentions: 12 million guilders for one tulip bulb, Trading $$$ for Babe Ruth.
Disqualified: The Panama Canal.

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