The human body is capable of such grace, such poise, and such power that it hardly matters if the physique of mastery is skilled in a martial art or a meditative one. Big Empire assembled a panel of eight nationally known yoga instructors, six prize-winning martial artists, and two pro wrestlers to come up with a list of the best things the human body can do. The wrestlers were outnumbered, but they turned out to be the loudest.

20. The Shake, Rattle and Roll (engineered by the Honky-Tonk Man) (18)
19. Slapping all three stooges in one stroke (Moe Howard, designer) (19)
18. The Prime Minister (20)
17. Yoga Silly Position (perfected by John Cleese) (20)
16. Rude Awakening (popularized by "Ravishing" Rick Rude) (21)

14. Superfly

15. The Flying Hackenschmidt (21)
14. Superfly (trademark of Jimmy "Superfly Snuka) (22)
13. Double Eye Poke (Another masterpiece of Moe Howard) (24)
12. Scorpion Pose (24)
11. Double Eye Poke Hand Block (scored by Shemp Howard) (25)
10. The Bodhisattva Elbow Drop (25)
9. The Dying Pear Tree (25)
8. Berzerker Barrage (26)
7. Malachi Crunch (They're not such "Happy Days" now, are they?) (30)
6. The Cramp-u-lator (35)
5. The Buddha's Bloody Revenge (40)
4. The Lung Puncturer (40)
3. Atomic Suplex (41)
2. The Horrible Leg Breaker (50)
1. The Pissed Swan (60)

You will notice that many of the moves in the top ten are not bound to one form of body art, and a few are yoga, wrestling, and martial-arts moves all at once. Although the voting was close, the Pissed Swan is a clear winner. The yogi balances upon one palm, tucking his legs into his torso and craning the other hand (the swan's head) over him. Hold for seven breaths. The martial artist waves both arms vigorously while rearing her head backwards; then, while her opponent is distracted by the rapid hand movements and the accompanying squawking cry, she head-butts her opponent full in the face. The professional wrestler must first gesture to the audience-a strutting and flapping motion-to make sure they are ready to see "The Pissed Swan." When the audience responds favorably, the wrestler climbs to the top turnbuckle, lifts both arms high into the air, then pirouettes upon the topknot and drops, back-first, upon the supine opponent. A beautiful maneuver in all cases. Try it today!

Other assorted maneuvers that take the breath away: The 5.0, The 10.0, Camel Clutch, Painful Message to the Scrotum (PMS), The Widowbreaker, Half-upward Boat (Ardha Urdhava Navasana), The Hacking Cobra, Yoga Lion Position, Straight Jacket, Figure Four Leg lock, Very Pretty Floating Butterfly, Reverse Camera Death Trick, Ripping out a guy's heart and showing it to him before he dies, The Stairway to Heaven, Touch of Death, The Dragon Neck Twist, The Garvin Stomp, The Tombstone, The Golden Dynasty Buffet, The Doofus, The 9 lb. Hammer.

Back to the Best Lists of the Millennium


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©2001 by Randy Shandis Enterprises. Questions or Comments?