To hell with health benefits! The main purpose of drugs is to have pretty names, names that trickle off the lips and ring like little bells in the ear. Today's prettiest are not likely to be tomorrow's, but for now, the prescription medicines that we'd most like whispered to us as we fall asleep are as follows:

10. Floxamycifuck (15)
9. Ritalin (17)
8. Albuterol (20)
7. Shawanda (20)
6. Wheezia (20)
5. Zanex (20)
4. Erectus Ten Thousand (25)
3. Propecia (25)
2. Viagra (sounds like Niagara) (25)
1. Codeine (33)

As the pain leaves your body and you start to nod off under its influence, the most melodious sound you might here is the name of the drug itself repeated between doctor and nurse: Codeine, codeine, codeine

Other wonders of Western medicine you can whisper into your lover's ear: Penicillin, Claritin-but not Claritin D which just sounds tacky, Erythromycin, Coma-luxe, Invicta G-or is that a car?, Prince Valium, Celebrex, Nosehair-B-Gon, Procardia, Snotuless.

Back to the Best Lists of the Millennium


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©2001 by Randy Shandis Enterprises. Questions or Comments?