To paraphrase Michael Jackson's musical question: "Who's Small?" To answer: these things are the smallest of the millennium. If you think that means they are easy to ignore, you might be right, but that's why our panel of size experts has turned the spotlight on these itsy, tinsy, weensy, micro-bitsy objects.

15. Carrot Top's talent (10)
14. The gluon (10)
13. A mini-trolley from a San Francisco gift shop (10)
12. Napoleon's Speedo (10)
11. Steve Martin, having gotten small (10)
10. The neutrino (18)
9. An Electron that's been cut in half (20)
8. Fly poop (20)
7. The boson (20)
6. The dust that collects on dust (20)
5. A crouton (25)
4. A flea's ear (25)
3. The muon (35)
2. Mark Sinclair's wiener (45)
1. The quark (69)

Yes, even Mark Sinclair's wiener isn't smaller than a quark. And the quark isn't even just one thing. Phil, our resident expert on such things, points out that there are at least six kinds of quarks, nicknamed Bottom, Top, Charmed, Strange, Up, and Down. Dr. Samuel Kenny, Ph.D., a sub-expert on subatomic subjects, adds that there could be four more types: Jiggy, Delicious, Shy, and Pissed. Will the next millennium bring even smaller objects? It will if someone will simply mash one of these quarks with a boot heel.

More of the smallest: The positron, GWB's mind, Chads, Frogs, Oprah Winfrey's heart, The itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini that she wore for the first time today, Queen Elizabeth the First's flea circus-that lived in her wig!, A gnat's knickers (or knat's knickers or gnat's gnickers), The period of time it was considered hip to say, "Talk to the hand."

Back to the Best Lists of the Millennium


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