You've just had a terrible argument with you lover, and it looks as though your many good times together suddenly mean nothing. The course you are on now is going straight to Splitsville. That person who was once your closest confidant and friend looks at you through big, wet tears and asks, "How could it have come to this?" Now's the time to look at the big picture: history (and, yes, herstory, too). What were the most defining moments in human culture that lead the world to where it is now-and led you to this tragic parting of ways?

58. Socrates invents dialectic discourse while propositioning Greek youth. (1)
57. A lonely, bitter man invents AM talk radio. (3)
56. Galen tries to remove patient's heart, discovers that it is a necessary organ. (3)
55. Mara LeBoomboom becomes the first Hollywood celebrity. (3)
54. Queen Victoria orders that all of those indecent chair and table legs must be ruffled and hidden from view. (3)
53. The bikini is invented. (3)
52. Marco Polo introduces noodles to Italy from China. (4)
51. Marconi invents the radio. (4)
50. Scientists engineer a killer tomato. (4)
49. A bully pees in Billy Gates' gym locker; Gates vows to take over the world. (5)
48. Manhattan is "sold" by its native residents to Europeans for $23 in costume jewelry. (7)
47. Elvis Presley slicks his pompadour just right. (10)
46. The 1987 Victoria's Secret catalog is published. (15)
45. Jimmy Carter is elected president of the United States. (15)
44. The first game of footsie between Cleopatra and Marc Antony begins. (15)
43. Sega II released. (17)
42. Hermann Zapf designs the font Optima. (18)
41. Atlantis sinks. (19)
40. The day the music died. (20)
39. The Signing of the Declaration of Independence. (20)
38. The Protestant Reformation. (21)
37. The Industrial Revolution. (21)
36. Coyote Ugly is released on home video. (22)
35. Lief Erikson comes to America. (23)
34. Jews take control of the world. (24)
33. The French win a big fight. (24)
32. The French lose an even bigger fight. (25)
31. Apes take over the Earth. (25)
30. Frank Television invents the device of his namesake. (25)
29. The invention of curly fries. (25)
28. The creation of the Big Empire. (26)
27. Gauss discovers how to construct a regular heptadecagon using a straightedge and compass. (26)
26. Geraldo opens Al Capone's vault. (27)
25. The first time I got laid. (28)
24. The Exodus of Hebrews from Egypt. (29)
23. Rome crumbles! (29)
22. Disco dies! (30)
21. God gives other religions lesser deities so they can exchange gifts, too. (30)
20. The invention of the printing press. (30)
19. The invention of chewing gum. (30)
18. The ice age ends. (32)
17. Hitler and Ming the Merciless attempt to take over Europe and outer space. (32)
16. There was a big party, and you weren't invited. (35)
15. The discovery of the wheel. (40)
14. Napoleon catches a cold, gets in a bad mood, invades Europe. (40)
13. Noah builds ark, thereby dooming us all to horrific inbreeding. (40)
12. Guy Fawlkes successfully blows up the English Parliament. (45)
11. Jesus assembles his Righteous Posse. (45)
10. Humans discover fire. (50)
9. Urdreth the Tailor notices tights look dorky on men and creates pants. (50)
8. God kills his only son so some people can have Easter. (59)
7. God gives his only son so some people can have Christmas. (60)
6. Some noblemen, on a lark, write the Magna Carta during a kegger. (80)
5. Somebody or other wins World War II. (80)
4. Great Wall of China is built. (80)
3. Great Wall of China first viewed from outer space! (81)
2. Ramses fears death, decides he wants a big-ass tomb. (100)
1. The September 11th attack on the U.S. (150)

Has everything changed? You're darn tootin' it has. Of all recorded human history, nothing has been as significant or unprecedented as the cowardly act of evil doers here on our home soil. (Note: this sentiment does not apply to our international readers.) Nothing will ever be the same again. Now, when we chant, "U! S! A! U! S! A!" we mean it in a totally new way, aware that our safety and our complacency can never be taken for granted again. Now, when we shop, we know that patriotism is behind our purchase of the new X-Box.

Back to the Best Lists of the Millennium


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©2001 by Randy Shandis Enterprises. Questions or Comments?