When you're a kid, you don't care. If someone says, "Here's some candy," you just pop it into your beezer. It could taste just awful, but you'll still smile because the word candy is bouncing around in your little brain. As an adult, your faculties sharpen. You'll admit that you still eat this garbage, but now you know how bad it tastes. This selection, nominated by eighteen confection professionals, may turn your stomach just reading it; but a prize of $100 US goes to the first person to send a videotape of himself or herself eating each and every one if these in a single sitting-without puking.

20. Circus peanuts (7)
19. Valentine hearts (9)
18. Banana Starbursts (10)
17. Candy cigarettes (10)
16. Sugared cat crap (10)
15. Sugared sugar (10)
14. Tequila suckers with worms in them (10)
13. Mr. Brickel's Candy Jeans (15)
12. Necco wafers, particularly orange, green and purple (18)
11. Garbonus! The chick-pea candy bar (20)
10. Jelly Bowels (20)
9. Salt-water taffy (20)
8. Sugar dots on paper (20)
7. Sugared olives (20)
6. Watermelon Now And Laters (20)
5. Buttered Popcorn Jelly Bellies (23)
4. Peeps (24)
3. Admiral Stufflebeans (25)
2. Candicorn (25)
1. Pez (60)

Yes, it's Juan ValPEZ, the vanguard of sugar mixed with sub-standard ingredients. Pez not only plays off a child's love of candy in all forms, but also couples the sugar desire with the feeling of receiving a gift from one's favorite cartoon character or action figure. But it's not a new observation that the candy typically shoots out of the character's neck. Nor is it unnoticed that Pez not only tastes like chalk, but can actually be used to mark on a blackboard.

More gullet-clogging goodies: The Beer-a candy bar with chocolate over beer-flavored nougat, Hickory nut clusters-now with more bark, Grape Jolly Ranchers, Divinity, Jujubes, Snickers, Styrofoam peanuts..

Back to the Best Lists of the Millennium


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©2001 by Randy Shandis Enterprises. Questions or Comments?