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Our Squalid Journeys

People often ask us, do you make up this crap or do you actually go to Las Vegas? We hope the following trip reports, essays and poems prove that we only make up some of it and the rest is fact.

Stevie's Getting Married - 2012
The Big Empire Crew are bound and determined to celebrate Stevie's upcoming nuptials in a very 25-Cents a Day way, whether he wants them to or not. There are girl drinks, strip clubs, pillow fights, gambling highs and and deep, deep lows.

The Hoodlum 2011
The Big Empire Crew encounters the menacing and threatening presence of The Hoodlum. His reign of terror shakes them so badly they almost forget to put odds on their six and double on eleven.

Revenge of the Fallen 2011
Our friend Abby Vegas
takes on Las Vegas, older, wiser, crankier. There's way more Wheel of Fortune slots and Bette Midler than you'll find in other trip reports here.

Coupon Run 2009
The Big Empire crew goes on a coupon rampage, leaving destruction and value in their wake. Come along to save some dough and see what happens when you load up on energy drinks and head out to Larry's Villa.

The Big Empire Cocktail Soiree 2008 Trip Report
The Big Empire crew goes drinking, shouting, fighting, crying, loving, sleeping, worrying, laughing, joking, gambling, fake fighting, kissing, running, driving, wiggling and even wigging. Join them, if you dare.

Thomas Wollwo's June 2008 Trip Report
June 2008, time for another Soiree, and a trip to Reno, from the perspective of a victim of the Big Empire crew.. Ride along for a thousand miles in an inadequate econobox and a few nights in splendor.

Thomas Wollwo's "Vegas Virgin"
Arising from the National Novel Writing Month, Thomas Wollwo's novel takes a young and lovely ingenue as she winds deep into the belly of seedy and glamorous Las Vegas, meeting hundreds of odd characters and dozens of strange situations.

Face to the Felt
The gang stumbles away from the poker tables and into a craps wonderland. Matt learns a valuable lesson about being an idiot, while Stinky does not.
The Itch
Dan and Matt plan to do an intervention "Oprah-style" to cure Stinky of his gambling addiction, but get waylaid by their own problems.
The Pleasure-o-Meter Six Billion
Matt and Stinky test their latet invention for judging the true value of the so-called great deals" inLas Vegas.
The Business of Sex - A Trip to the Porn Convention
Intrepid and salacious reporters Dan and Phil journey deep into the nether regions of Las Vegas' convention industry at the big and nasty AVN show.
Cool in Vegas - May 2000
The gang returns to the Gold Spike for the annual Big Empire Cocktail Soiree in search of cool. On their Odyssey-like quest, they encounter sirens, Cyclops, Cook E. Jarr, the Checkmates and the Latex Ladies.

Reno - Every Day, All Day
Matt has to return to Reno for more anger management counseling, and maybe a little booze and craps. Learn more about "Hanging 'Em High" and the dangers of high-stakes blackjack. Get it for your Palm Device

First read about Matt's First Reno Trip for Anger Management.

  The Vegas Virgin
Dan, Stinky and Matt have a brand new Vegas Virgin to squire around town and they take the opportunity to brainwash the poor kid, including our first visit to a Strip Club
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Four Days, Forty Dollars
Matt and Stinky go on a research mission, gathering information for their shuttle guide. They stumble upon a German Mardi Gras, the legendary Lucky Ned and take the Buffet Challenge, eating six pounds at the three worst buffets in Vegas in one day.
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Welcome to the Copper Mine
When Dan falls in love on the annual trip, Matt and Stinky try to rescue him from his worst enemy--himself. Includes a late-night rescue attempt from the Rio Hotel, and the First Annual Shrimp cocktail Eating Contest.
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Las Vegas on $19 a Day
Matt and Stinky try to survive in Las Vegas on $19 a day by eating late night steaks, sleeping in squallor and drowning their sorrows in free cocktails.
The Las Vegas Weekend
This is the first time we ever tried to organize a weekend for our friends in Las Vegas. It ended in anger, busted friendships and, yes, even some bloodshed.
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Our First Time
We all remember our first time. Dan, Matt, Michael and Phil are overwhelmed by the lights, the glitter, the glitz, and the really crappy motel they're stuck in.
Temper Tantrums in Reno
Matt is sent to Reno for anger management training after he accidentally punches several co-workers.
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Stupak and Me: A Sentimental Journey
Not really a trip report, but Matt fondly remembers the Las Vegas pioneer, in whose hotel we once left a beef tongue, and from whom we sort of stole thousands of dollars during our younger years.
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A Very Elvis Wedding
Stinky and Matt serve as witnesses to couple who bond themselves for life under the watchful eye of a fat, sweaty Elvis impersonator.
The Liberace Museum
Amy takes us on a tour of the Liberace Museum, where you can admire the gaudy lifestyle of a gaudy man.
A Las Vegas Poem
Our bard-in-residence Dan puts his passions and distastes to verse.

May we recommend the following fine trip reports from Beyond the Big Empire?

It's All About the Abrahams
Bill Walsh takes us along with himself and his future bride as they plan a really fancy wedding with really expensive food and play a lot of $3 blackjack. Besides being funny, this trip report is shockingly typo- and misspelling-free.

 

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