Hello, I'm Lucky Ned!
That "lucky" handle is what we gamblers call a misnomer,
meaning that I'm not lucky. I'm smart! Smart as the smartest rocket
scientist, only my science isn't rockets, it's what the casinos
naïvely call "gambling." When I walk into a casino,
the owners tremble and hold emergency meetings to figure out how
they can stop me before I drain their bank accounts. I'm that
Thanks to my smartness,
I have created "systems" for winning at games. I've
mastered all kinds of games, from whupping my niece at "Go
Fish" to walking away from a blackjack table with every chip
in the joint. Because I am not only smart but also very nice I
am going to let you in on a few of my secrets for roulette.
Roulette is French
for "gentleman's wagering wheel game" and it was used
in ancient times when the great Monarch of France would play the
game against slaves for their lives. The ball was originally a
pebble and the roulette wheel was a square until Jesus Christ
finally invented the circle. In those days, the number zero did
not exist, neither did any numbers higher than 16. I'm not trying
to show off my smarts with this information, I'm just giving a
little background that will help you better understand the subtle
ins and outs of the "gentleman's wagering wheel game".
Many of you are already
aware of my incredible skills of intuition. I sense a good situation
and I pounce. I sense a bad situation and I skedaddle. But for
the challenging game of roulette, you don't need intuitive abilities
as powerful as mine.
Ask any of these so-called
mathemeticians about the "feeling" and they will laugh
at you? Why? Because they are too busy in their ivory towers to
understand that there are forces beyond our small minds. I understand,
and you probably do too. I do not need to tell you what the "feeling"
is because you will know it when you feel it. You will feel it
in your nose. Walk up to any table, get as close as you can, and
see what you feel. Trust your nose. If your nose says you'll win,
sit down. If your nose says you'll lose, walk away. NOTE TO
ADVANCED PLAYERS: You can still play even when you feel you
are going to be unlucky. Just bet the opposite of everything you
would have otherwise bet.
Some casinos are kind
of touchy about letting you get near their roulette wheel. I have
been dragged out of a few casinos and the security always says
I am not allowed to tamper with gaming equipment, but the truth
is THEY'RE AFRAID OF ME and my WINNING METHODS!
So, if the casino keeps
you from feeling up the game, and you can't otherwise get a sense
of the action, use this 100% ACCURATE METHOD: before betting
any of your hard earned money, pick a number and watch to see
if it comes up. If it did, this is your lucky wheel. If it didn't,
ask yourself if the ball WANTED to land in that hole. Did
it feel like it did? If the ball was leaning toward your number
it is still a good sign. Let's face it, you won't win every time,
YOU'LL ONLY WIN ALMOST EVERY TIME. Put your money on the
table and get to work! Can't think of a number? Go
here for a suggestion.
How to Play
Roulette requires precise
concentration, cat-like agility and the ability to pick winning
numbers. The naysayers claim that the way numbers come up on a
roulette wheel is random. I say, RANDOM MY ASS! If roulette
is so random, how come I'm always such a big winner? WHY HAVE
I BEEN FORCIBLY REMOVED FROM CASINOS? And don't use the casino's
excuse that I was drunk, unruly, and passed out twice with my
head on the black square. I know a smokescreen when I see one.
If you are good at the lottery you'll be great at roulette. And
with a little practice, you'll GET THROWN OUT OF CASINOS TOO!!
When you get to the
roulette wheel, find a seat and sit down. If you cannot find a
seat, leave because luck is always better at Roulette when you
are sitting. After sitting, give the croupier your cash. Ask for
it to be changed for chips. DO NOT TELL THE CROUPIER YOU ARE
GOING TO ROB HIM BLIND. This just leads to them keeping a
closer eye on you and practicing black magic to counteract your
skills. Now that you have your chips, start laying bets.
I am not professionally
trained to understand the different bets in roulette, but I have
learned from years and years of hard-earned experience. Even today
I still learn a thing or two about the game. For example: DID
YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN BET ON THE TWO GREEN NUMBERS? IT'S TRUE!
I just learned this last week.
pays you two for one. If you bet black and win, it will pay
back the original bet plus the same amount again. The casinos
are suckers for this.
one is similar to black, but not as good a bet I have never
gotten around to counting the number of red or black numbers,
but I am pretty sure there are more black. One important thing
abut rouletter is that MORE NUMBERS ARE BETTER!!
is like black or red, but you win if you bet even and iif
the number comes up even. A pretty good bet when you are feeling
lucky, but ODD is better.
like even, but most of the really good numbers are odd, like
one and seven. So, if you want to bet odd or even, I highly
recommend odd. As I will later explain, multiples of three
are good, and every other multiple of three is ODD! YOU
WON'T BE A FRAUD BETTING THE ODD!
can bet on the first twelve numbres, which are 1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12. Also, I think 8. I will look tomorrow
when I am robbing the casino blind. This one pays you good.
The first 12 is a good bet because they come up a lot more
than the other numbers.
sucker's bet if there ever were one. I hardly ever see these
numbers come up, so my advice is to AVOID THE SECOND 12
LIKE THE PLAGUE.
group is a pretty risky bunch, but if you bet it and they
hit, you will definitely earn the respect of the croupier.
good roulette wheel has a green zero and a green double zero.
Some of the casinos are now trying to make wheels with only
a single zero. If the casino you are at has only one green
spot GET THE HELL OUT! More zeros mean more choice
and MORE CHOICE MEANS MORE WAYS TO WIN!! Green isn't
a very good bet unless there is an Asian man at the table.
Then it is more likely to come up.
can bet on any number on the wheel, no matter what color.
If it hits, they will pay you loads and loads of chips. I
can't remember how many, but I think it has to do with the
number. Like, a 31 will pay a lot more than a 14. If you want
to play numbers, make sure to bet the high numbers.
THAN ONE NUMBER
can put chips on the corner of a number so that they touch
several number squares. I don't do this unless THAT FEELING
COMES FROM MY TUM-TUM because THE WHEEL REWARDS LOYALTY.
Playing several numbers at once is the same as having a bunch
of mistresses. Also, I am not sure how this works, and sometimes
if you ask THE CROUPIER WILL LAUGH AT YOU.
Super Hot Roulette Secrets
Now you know as much
as anyone else that walks up to the roulette wheel. But Lucky
Ned doesn't stop there. No! NOW I WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO WIN!!!
First off, a lot of players walk up to a roulette wheel and they
study it for a long time befpre they sit down to play. They watch
what numbers come up to see if there is a pattern. I say SCREW
IT! A THINKING ROULETTE PLAYER IS A LOSING ROULETTE PLAYER!
Besides, the time you spend watching the wheel could be when you
were going to have your biggest win streak ever. DON'T WASTE
TIME - SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!
There is a lot of debate
among roulette academics that I meet at the tables about numbers
that come up often. If a single number comes up several times
in a row, some idiots say you should bet it because there is a
streak happening. Others, mostly smart people, say to avoid it
because it "probably" won't come up again. What the
"probably" means is that for every time a number comes
up, that means that there is one fewer of that number left in
the ball. You see, something called "probability" dictates
that every ball must land in every slot the exact same number
of times. So, if a ball lands on six five times in a row, it has
that many fewer sixes left in it. AVOID NUMBERS THAT COME UP
OFTEN AND THE CASINO WILL BE COUGHIN' up dough.
Can the opposite be
said of numbers that don't come up much? HELL YES! Those
poor little balls are just juiced with the numbers that never
come up, and they are itchin' to come out. IF YOU HAVEN"T
SEEN IT, YOU'RE GONNA WIN IT!
AVOID THE GREENS
unless you really have that good feeling. You see, the greens
are like substitute players in a football game. They aren't used
as often as other numbers, and the ball avoids them unless it
is tired and can't go anywhere else. Most balls have a lot of
energy and rarely need to use the green numbers.
Numbers that can be
divided by three are by far the luckiest! Why, because three is
a very lucky number.
Now then, I have been
playing for a long, long time and I have made a few observations.
First off, never bet the 14. That little bastard will just break
your heart. For the past couple of months, the three and six have
been pretty absent from my games and I think they are just about
to bust loose. I recommend them both. Print out the following
table to carry with you. It helps you make decisions at the table.
If you have to look here, you haven't been paying attention.
Well, I guess it's the lesser of two evils.
A good number, but I've noticed it coming up a lot lately.
Are you feeling lucky?
As good a number as this game offers.
Even numbers aren't always so great. Play with caution.
A good backup if someone is alreadybetting the three.
Black, multiple of three. Now if only it were odd...
Some swear by it. If it has importance to you, give it a
Works great for girls!
Hasn't been coming up lately. Must be overdue.
This ten ain't no ten for luck.
I play it on Sundays. Might be good on holidays, too.
Play this number on a hunch only.
Definitely as unlucky as scientists say.
Never ever play! Bad Luck!
Tricky number. For advanced players only!
Eh. I've seen better.
Way, way, way overdue.
This number has come up too often at Excalibur.
No Data. Accidentally got drunk when researching.
20/20 vision says to try this one if 6 isn't working for
Works in keno and blackjack, why not here?
For legal reasons I cannot comment on 22 right now.
A sleeper. Pays off for me if I don't play it too much.
Works best in combination with small numbers.
I'm getting tired.
Wait for new croupier before playing.
Comes up all the time. Might be all tapped out.
Feelin' fine with 29. My secret hot pick of the week.
Even and red make for a dangerous combination.
Better than 14, but that isn't saying much.
Now you're just desperate. Go back and try 9 again.
It's a good number, but expects a lot of loyalty from you.
It's the 3 of the upper board!
If you play it with genuine goodness and no greed it might
They just put this on the wheel to make it symmetrical.
It's for suckers.
Look, nobody is going
to yell at you if you are a little bit rude at the table. But,
GOOD MANNERS ARE ONE OF THE KEYS TO WINNING. If someone
else at the table has already "staked" a number, do
not be so presumptuous as to think you may play it too. The game
is sensitive to such maneuverings and may punish both players
for such behavior.t Similarly, if you are playing a number and
someone tries to horn in on your action, firmly but politely say
"I was already playing that number." Then, push the
other person's chips aside. If this escalates into an argument,
as it often does with ignoramuses, any croupier worth his weight
in salt will stand up for you.
You don't need a Roulette
wheel in your house ito practice your new roulette skills. Here
is something I do to practice any time I have free moment, like
on the bus or while waiting for my dinner to heat up. I pick what
I think is the winning number , and then I pretend to spin a wheel
in my head. I then watch the wheel spin in my head and if it lands
on the number I picked, I am winner. The more I practice at this,
the more often I can correctly pick the winner. For a sense of
realism, carry some gambling chips in your pocket and finger them
while the wheel in you head is spinning.
That's all the Roulette
advice I can give you now. I will update this site if any of the
hot numbers change.
Incredigaming to you
comment or suggestion? Let Us Know.