Mrs. Filthy's Real World Review

September 24, 2002

Three's A Crowd

I'm going out on a limb here, darlings, but I think Las Vegas is probably much, much different than Cut Off, Louisiana. For one thing, Trishelle's hometown probably doesn't boast any buildings in the shape of castles, pyramids or the Eiffel Tower, unless you count the mini golf course. And it's doubtful that Liberace ever made it to Cut Off in his rhinestone-covered limo.

Trishelle, to be sure, knows the difference between Las Vegas and Cut Off, and acts accordingly. Like millions of other visitors to Vegas, she imbibes mightily, and suddenly, that little voice that urges restraint is singing "Funky Cold Medina" and shaking its invisible bottom. She goes wild, you might say.

Her dalliance, or "fun and games," with the callow Steven is progressing nicely. She has no remorse as of yet, no cottony film in the mouth or bloodshot eyes to remind her that she's headed for the gritty gutter of regret. She can tell her family back home that Vegas is "amazing" and mean it sincerely.

Ah, if only it could only remain this simple, mes amis. But the Trishelle-Steven duo is about to become a trio. Brynn, who shares a room with Trishelle, alternates between complaining about the couple's moaning and adding to the din with cries of "I'm lonely" and "Jump in my bed!" She just can't stand the lack of attention. Trishelle rubs salt in the wound by declaring, "Our bedroom's the best; you have to stay in here every single night." Condemned to an eternity of watching other people get lucky- that must hurt, dearies!

So, Brynn makes her move, aided by the opportune inebriation of a certain Southern belle. When Trishelle drapes her arm over Brynn and soddenly slurs, "I love you," Brynn immediately locks lips with her roomie. Steven, for his part, is thrilled; "I love bisexual women!" he crows. And when the action moves to the hot tub, the entire household gets to watch the sudsy, slippery fondling. And watch they do. Although, they do get out of the water.

The water must wake Trishelle up a little, because she tells Steven that she's having second thoughts about the menage a trois. "Honestly, I'm innocent. I really am." But, all the innocence in the world won't protect her from a determined Brynn, who, as soon as she sees Trishelle and Steven in bed, swoops into the room to join them.

The sheets aren't even dry before Trishelle regrets the escapade. Brynn nonchalantly scarfs her breakfast while Trishelle frets. Is the alcohol to blame? Or, is she just naturally a slut? Brynn assures her "It's you, babe," which doesn't exactly put Trishelle's mind at rest. Of course, Brynn isn't out to make Trishelle more comfortable. After all, this is the girl who boasted that her own father just loooooves her, after Trishelle admitted that her own pere is cold-hearted and unsupportive. Me-ow.

Trishelle confesses to her older sister, Buffy, and Buffy is sadly sympathetic. Trishelle is more worried about her father's reaction, and she should be. In the universe you and I live in, of course, Trishelle's father need never know; Trishelle is 22 years old, after all. But, in the "Real World," Trishelle knows that her behavior is going to make national television, and so she has her older sister break the news, hoping to escape the worst of his wrath.

Just try to imagine that scene, sweeties! Dinner is over, the dishes are washed and Trishelle's family sits in the living room, enjoying a cool dish of ice cream, or perhaps sherbet. There is discussion of the weather, of sporting events. And then, Trishelle's older sister pipes in, "Your youngest daughter just enjoyed a drunken three-way in Las Vegas!" Anyway, Trishelle's dad is none too pleased and immediately plays the shame card over the phone. "Would you do something to shame your whole family?" he growls.

And then he has the gall to say, "I hope the next time we speak, you'll be a lot more jovial." Jovial, but not gay! He does NOT want Trishelle to be gay. Trishelle has never felt loved by her father, even after her mother died, and this only distresses her more. She hates him! She loves him! She only wants him to love her! I think we're in for more of this, darlings, especially if Trishelle keeps boozing it up.

Speaking of roller coaster emotions, Alton has a bit of a scare. His old flame Melissa calls with the news that she may be with child. He then says what every girl waits her whole life to hear: "Shut up!" Needless to say, he's not ready for a child. He thinks seriously about what he would do if Melissa decided to keep the baby. He fidgets by the phone and plays his violin, but relief only comes when Melissa informs him it was a false alarm. He's so thrilled that he envisions reuniting with Melissa, but the previews of upcoming episodes seem to promise otherwise. Hmmm.

Who Cries? Trishelle has several opportunities to open the waterworks, and open them she does.

Most Annoying: Trishelle isn't really into taking responsibility, is she?

Hygiene Tip of the Week: Frequently scrub your hot tub with a disinfecting cleanser to avoid the inevitable "big mixture of disease and infestation." Merci beaucoup for the reminder, Frank!

Best Quote: "I'm just like 'huh." I don't want to puke over here," Trishelle murmurs while in bed with Steven. Talk about sweet nothings!

Next Week: The kids begin their "job."


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This Week, Mrs. Filthy's Reading:

Waiting for Aphrodite:Journeys into the Time Before Bones by Sue Hubbell