My pets, I just love hearing from you. In many cases, your messages are the only good things I get in my mailbox (Really darlings, how many "Herbal Viagra" or "Work From Home" ads can a gal take?). I have noticed, however, that certain questions crop up repeatedly, so I thought I'd save everyone the trouble and answer them right here.
1. I do not work for Bunim/Murray, MTV or anybody with a Prada wardrobe and fancy hair. I doubt they'd have me. I'm an assistant manager for Hancock Fabrics and proud of it.
2. This means, my sweets, that I, unfortunately, cannot connect you with Real World cast members, past or present. If you want to meet a Kyle or a Cara, you'll have to fly to Los Angeles and find the spot where all the desperate wannabe celebrities hang out.
3. On occasion, I receive requests to cover other reality television programs: "Road Rules," "Survivor," etc. While this is flattering, I have to limit my column. You see, I have a husband who needs to be taken care of, and he cannot spare me more than one night a week. Otherwise, I find the house a shambles, all the Crisco eaten and a crying, little wreck of a man on the kitchen floor.
4. I don't mean to be snooty, mes pamplemousses, but I'm not going to reveal where I buy my muu-muus. That's my little secret.