August 24, 1999
Sacre bleu! Ruthie has a twin! Her name is Sara, and even though she reportedly considers herself "the weird one", Sara doesn't seem to be nearly as troubled as Rowdy Ruthie. Not a single lap dance did I see from this lass. Ruthie also has an older sister named Rachel, who acted as a mom when no one else would. At the airport, Ruthie seems glad to see her siblings, but admits that she can't open up even to them completely.
She certainly doesn't hesitate to bring them into a messy house, however. Let me tell you, that would not fly in my neighborhood, kids. She also seems perfectly willing to subject her sisters to her messy housemates. Amaya seems dumbstruck to suddenly see so much of Ruthie at once. Matt, however, immediately takes the indifferent Sara to his bosom. "Maybe she'll like me," you can almost see him thinking. "Maybe this slobbery toothbrush will turn her on."
The whole gang goes out for a celebratory night on the town. In the least surprising moment of the season, we once again get to see the angry drunk side of Ruthie. She yells and screams and even swats the cabdriver for good measure. So, why does she have this drunken bee up her butt? Is she upset about the price of rum? The general decline of the hoochie? Even when she gets home, she doesn't calm down. She charges into the kitchen and declares, "I want to throw this glass." And then she does- a true woman of her word.
Teck has had enough of the kitchen destruction and lets Ruthie know it. Evidently, no one else dares to scold her, for fear that she'll do something crazy. She's not exactly holding back right now, though, so what harm will a few exclamations of "You act ignorant!" and "Just act right!" do? Ruthie feels that Teck is merely revealing his longstanding hatred of her and runs away. Like the toady he is, Matt sweeps up the shards of glass and daydreams about how charming Miss Ruthie is when she's angry.
As soon as Matt is done with his housekeeping, he runs off to find his desperate object of affection. Did I say "desperate?" Not desperate enough for Matt, perhaps, who utters, "There's no way I will leave her alone." Truer words were never spoken by a stalker. He even puts on his best Travis Bickle voice as he repeatedly informs the viewing audience about his sincere and profound concern for Ruthie. Colin and Justin join in the slo-mo chase sequence, which if you ask me, is much less thrilling than the car chase earlier in the season. All the while, Ruthie slurs, "Go home!"
Eventually, Ruthie escapes this sad little parade by fleeing to her sisters' hotel room. At first, Ruthie talks about jumping from the balcony, but like a nurturing drill sargeant, Rachel reminds Ruthie of what matters- the strength of family bonds in the face of hardship. When Rachel reminds the distraught Ruthie that Sara has experienced the same troubles and probably has had to refrain from suicide as well, Sara basfully admits, "No, not really." The sisters share a hearty laugh about Ruthie's own special dysfunction. What ultimately brings Ruthie back is the realization that she doesn't want to be seen as a weak coward.
Unbeknownst to Ruthie, the other cast members are planning a top-secret meeting. Several housemates want to consider Ruthie's behavior and its effects on other people before issuing an ultimatum. This just disgusts Matt, whose hair is even affected by this emotional upheaval. Darlings, that is the hair of someone who cares. Matt angrily questions why no one else in the house cares about Ruthie as much as he does. All the while, it's transparent that he wants Ruthie to believe that he's the only one who wants to help her. The meeting becomes an "ineffectual disaster," not to mention creepy as hell.
For a brief while, the six sober housemates plan to stage some sort of surprise intervention. Now, whether this is a wise plan of attack is certainly open to discussion, but dearies, I do know that Matt only made matters worse when he took Ruthie aside and spilled the stinky ol' beans. Ruthie immediately interprets the plan as some conspiracy to increase her misery. She wants information on each hateful roomie, all to put in her lil' black book of grudges. But at least Matt gets closer to what he wants. Even though Ruthie now assumes that the whole house is plotting against her, she utters the magic words, "I know that Matt cares."
The other housemates are not so pleased, however. When Colin asks Matt whether he let the cat out of the bag, Matt falsely denies it, "for Ruthie's sake". Yeah, right. With the advance notice, Ruthie is able to jump the gun and call her very own meeting. She invites a crowd of assorted Gap models, as well as her housemates and sisters, so that she can express her thoughts.
Like a handler for a temperamental gorilla, Matt rushes around trying to get everyone to delete the words "ultimatum" and "intervention" out of their vocabulary. Justin doesn't entirely buy Matt's altruism and tells him that his instincts have become tainted. After Dr. Matt lectures Rachel on her strict tone, she lets him know how she feels about his meddling. She reminds the chicken-necked manipulator that she has to live with Ruthie for the rest of her life, and he does not.
What does Ruthie have to say? Does she say, "No one understands me!"? Does she say, "I can trust no one!"? Mais oui, but we'll have to wait 'til next week to learn her speech verbatim.
Who's Shirtless This Week? Self-destructive alcoholism overshadows bare flesh this week. Colin and Teck get one scene each.
Real World Entertaining Secret of the Week: Please don't let your wasted roommate break the glassware. What will you do if you have company?!
Most Annoying Character? Okay, Ruthie's a drunk, but Matt plumbs astonishing depths of manipulative self-deception in his attempts to get in Ruthie's good graces. He gets the prize this week.
Next Week: Ruthie speaks out!
©1999 by Randy Shandis Enterprises. All rights reserved.