|
March 25, 2003 The Long Haul Mes petites chous, I'm sure you all have hair-raising stories of rude, inconsiderate houseguests. There are the folks who overstay their welcome, the ones who won't eat anything but macrobiotic tofu patties hand-formed by convent dwarves, the ones who want to be carted around all over creation to buy cutesy driftwood knick-knacks. Bad enough, dearies, but Dina takes the cake this week. Dina is Irulan's closest ami. She also happens to know Arissa's
ex, Dario; they go to the same school. Usually, this fact would
only prompt enthusiastic renditions of "It's a Irulan has no idea whether Arissa already knows about Dario's indiscretions. She doesn't know whether Arissa even wants to know. So, Irulan spills the beans to Alton instead. Heck, she had to tell somebody! It becomes obvious that the "secret" isn't going to stay so for long. Especially when Dina the Houseguest With the Chatter Beak insists on pulling Arissa aside at the nightclub and reminiscing about the good ol' days when Dario dumped his pregnant girlfriend in favor of Arissa. Arissa, unsurprisingly, flees this unwanted news-flash. "I thought she knew!" whines Dina. "They were broken up!" Well, "broken up" is relative, my pets. Sure, Arissa phones Dario right away and soundly berates him. "You make me sick," she hisses. Dario begins by denying the charges, but finally admits that he did sleep with the other girl. "I regret the day I set eyes on youI will never let you forget it," growls our little firecracker, thus turning "The Real World" into a personal tool of vengeance. Oh, yes, and she lies and tells him she's been sleeping around, too, just to make Dario feel like a cuckold. What with the yelling and the vengeance and the photo-burning, one would think that Arissa was finally going to make good on her quest for independence. One might think many things, such as the fact that no one should eat Hostess Sno-Balls. But, darlings, people do eat them, against the world's better judgement. People also wear black lipstick and pay good money to see "Kangaroo Jack." And Arissa calls up Dario and tells him she loves him. "You're my best friend in the whole world," she gushes. So, that whole independence thing was just a joke, right? It's enough to scare a girl off from romantic relationships permanently, no? Well, Trishelle isn't scared off, not by a long shot. Steven, eager to lift the burden of guilt off his shoulders, points out a toothy young gentleman named Tyler to Trishelle. Trishelle is suitably impressed with his wind-blown blond mane and sporty attire, and the two flirt. By the end of the evening, Trishelle pronounces Ty "wonderful, wonderful, wonderful," even though he's a model and a "momma's boy." So, the two float around on their own personal little love cloud and snuggle (fully clothed) and compare their favorite tooth-whitening products. Trishelle tells her sister that she's fallen in love. "What's his name this time?" replies her sister. Housemate Frank is skeptical as well, but Trishelle holds on to her hopes that Gap Boy is the one for her. As long as he doesn't start dancing around with one of those stripey scarfs. That would be enough to kill any romance. Who Cries? Upon learning about Dario's infidelity, Arissa cries then starts burning stuff. Most Annoying: She burns Dario's photographs, then declares her undying love for him. Is someone going to have to separate Arissa and Dario by force, or what? Grooming Tip of the Week: "I've had really good hair for the last few days," chirps Steven. "Know what the trick is? You have to wash it!" Best Quote: Considering whether Trishelle and her new beau Tyler should repair to the boudoir, Tyler says, "I don't know. Maybe I should call my mom first." Next Week: Season XII finally craps out! And so does
my long career as a Real World reviewer. Want to tell Mrs. Filthy something?
|