Olympics.org- Randy Shandis openly sneered at his campaign opponent this week when Al "The Foz" Fozano announced his running mate. "He could run with a Whirlpool washer and it won't help him win elections," said frontrunner Shandis. "But it might at least help get rid of those disgusting sweat stains under his armpits."

Shandis has repeatedly said he will not have a running mate, and suggested Fozano selected one to hide his deficiencies. "You'll notice, Fozano is only four feet six inches, and he has selected a running mate who is four feet five inches. He just wants to look taller." Shandis continued by telling reporters that he is plenty tall himself and believes that if he chose a running mate, it would only confuse people. "People love my charisma and charm, and a running mate would obviously pale in my shadow."

Shandis added that a running mate might hog the toilet in his campaign bus, the Straight Sex Express, or try to sing his songs at karaoke night.

"I'm not one to share spotlights," said Shandis, becoming momentarily philosophical. "If I wanted to be part of a group, I would have joined the Backstreet Boys when they invited me. But no, I go solo."

In polls, 83% of Internet users said they prefer Shandis running alone, with the most common reason being that "alone he will do less damage."


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