Two of the many stupid movies found in Al "Foz" Fozano's video library. - While relaxing at his favorite online mansion, Randy Shandis was told of the findings of his staff's "surprise" audit of Al "Foz" Fozano's small, yet unbelievably tacky, efficiency apartment. The "independent ransacking" conducted by Shandis's "Boys" turned up large quantities of used tissues, ice cream cartons and self-improvement manuals. What was most alarming, however, was the stash of movies so bad they bring Fozano's ability to lead into question.

"'Parent Trap' is just the tip of the iceberg," chuckled Fozano's main competitor, Randy Shandis. "And we're not talking about the dopey 50s version of the movie. Fozano actually bought the 1996 remake on DVD. And, he paid full price. What kind of idiot are we dealing with?"

Contacted at the Handsome Homepage, Fozano responded, "It's a cute, fun movie. And I paid full price because I wanted it as soon as it came out. I saw it at the Blockbuster when I was renting 'The Postman' and couldn't wait to take it home."

Fozano continued: "I love that scene where they are falling down the... well, I don't want to spoil it for you. Let me just say it has a great surprise ending. You will be totally caught off-guard when the parents end up back together... Oh, crap."

Among the other movies in Fozano's collection were "Troll2," the animated 1999 bomb "The King and I," and "Going Bananas" starring Tony Danza. "Let's see Shandis do what Tony does," challenged Fozano, later admitting that there is a restraining order on him and that he must stay at least 500 feet away from Mr. Danza at all times due to his overzealous attempts to get an autograph.

"Oh my God!" Squealed Fozano, "Did Tony tell you himself about the restraining order? What did he say? Did he say anything about me?"

Would you vote for a man who loves Urkel?

Shandis believes that the movies show extremely bad judgment and stupidity in his opponent, but said the real danger is in electing a man who also recorded four seasons worth of "Family Matters," starring Jaleel White.

Fozano makes no apologies. "The show was terrific to watch, if only to see Jaleel mature into a handsome young man. Did you see the special dance number he did with Bea Arthur during the American Comedy Awards? Pure TV magic!"

Shandis's response: "Do you want a man who loves Urkel to run your Internet? Or do you want a man who demands that web sites promising free pornography deliver on their promise?"

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