Downtown will
eat you alive.


Part 2 - High Rolling

Knowing from past experience how long it would take to get Phil out of the hoosegow, the general consensus was that craps at the Plaza would be much more fun. Along the way, Matt made a woman working at Sassy Sally's cry when he refused to leave without a free left-handed professional slot player glove. Mark told the lady out front that he wasn't falling for their scam and she got all upset. She said "It isn't a scam, it's a gimmick."

Matt makes new and patriotic friends in Downtown Las Vegas.

They have street performers on the Fremont Street Lame Experience and Steve joined some tropically attired Mormons on the steel drums. This behavior is clearly not encouraged and he was quickly pulled aside by the ubiquitous downtown bike police.

Matt was still hungry so he hit the Plaza Diner and the others joined him for his wonderful company and tales. "I wanted to get their fabled Pound of Pig for 3.95. As it turns out, it's not actually a whole pound of pig. I believe it is more like 12 ounces of low-grade ham and four ounces of salt. It also came with toast, and I was reminded that one of my favorite things on toast is butter. If only the Plaza had thought to include it. The eggs were runny and the hash browns were yellow. Overall, though, I liked it."

After the meal the gang found a few spots at the Plaza's quarter table, but several more opened as Brett kept scratching himself and saying "These pus-filled scabs on my arms just won't heal." Our group quickly took over the table except for an older guy with a hot hand and this doofus that was writing down number combinations in a notebook.

The Doofus had apparently seen some John Patrick video and half understood the bad advice. So, using his own logic system, he had devised a new craps system where he kept track of the throws and then still bet the exact same thing every time. His underage son stood behind him and pretended to be old enough to gamble and drink cans of Budweiser, but failed miserably. The father was heard to utter such nuggets of wisdom as "Three nines have come up so you know it won't come up again for a while." Brett, who stood next to him, had about enough after 45 minutes and started pinching the guy's arm. Brett kept at it until he drew blood.

Steve was nicknamed Retard specifically for this trip, and is not in reality that stupid. But, at the craps table, when Steve had the dice in hand, the rest of the gang was able to yell "Let's go, Retard!" and "Poppa needs new shoes, Retard!" The crew at the table was at first hesitant to allow this namecalling to occur, but when Steve told them, "No, it's okay, I really am a retard." they let our behavior slide.


Amy demonstrates why alcohol is sometimes bad.

At the Plaza they also have a collectible glass called "The Bone." Steve was enamored by the shininess of the plastic "bone" which is about 18 inches tall and shaped like the traditional dog bone and filled with beer. He ordered one, determined to get several of the $1.00 refills he was promised. But Amy is never one to let a cheap beer pass. She quickly was upon Steve asking "What does it taste like? I've never had beer out of a glass like that before." Steve relented to the pestering and let Amy have his bone for a sip. Amy, snatched the glass and immediately bolted to the women's room and stood among the primping women where she could polish it off without fear of being interrupted.

Amy got pretty well lit because she had successfully gotten Steve to refill his "Bone" four more times. Each time he refilled it, Amy managed to codger it from his hands and then abscond again to women's room. One time the boys heard the other ladies in the restroom with Amy chanting "Drink, Drink, Drink!" as Amy raced to quaff the whole beer.

At the craps table, Dan kept throwing money on the 12 and Matt rode him hard, citing statistics and odds, telling him what a lousy bet it was. Dan stood quietly and continued to bet the 12. At first he thought it would hit, but eventually, as Matt's behavior became more and more obnoxious, Dan bet the 12 hoping it would hit and that would shut Matt up. It never did hit, and everyone could tell that Dan had just about enough of Matt's hotshot attitude.

At some point, Phil had made his own bail and joined the rest of the group. He showed us the homemade tattoo he was given in the slammer that read "Live to Read." Luckily, it came off with a little soap and water.

After the highly successful craps session, it was back to the Gold Spike for some of their 50 cent well drinks. Dan was still silently fuming ever since Matt had laughed at him when he lost fifty bucks betting the 12.

Well, Dan finally reached his limit when Matt told Dan he was stupider even than the Giant, ill-proportioned leprachaun dangling awkwardly from the front of Fitzgerald's.

Dan screamed, "I'll polish your blarney stone, you fucking moron!" and attacked. Clearer heads prevailed in the form of Phil, who had no desire to be hauled in for a second time in one night, and Ghizal, who has a heart of the purest gold. Amy and Mark yelled "Fight! Fight! Fight!", and Ghizal and Phil pulled the two brawlers apart just as the cops rolled past.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Dan and Matt have a Fremont Street Experience while Phil and Ghizal intervene.

With Matt and Dan separated, the gang headed back to the lounge at the Gold Spike. When the bartender wasn't looking she leaned over the bar and grabbed a bottle of something called "Old Mariner Vodka/Varnish". Amy downed the bottle in two long, sweaty swigs. She then tried climbing up on a quarter slot machine so she could play it upside down. The downside to Amy getting juiced to the gills was that she becomes belligerent and the evening was not complete until she accosted a blackjack dealer and demanded that he stop dealing so fast. She was not playing at the time.

The staff at the Gold Spike felt that this was a good time for everyone to go to bed, and feeling indebted to that staff, they did so.

On to Part 3

[Free Food] [Free Crap] [Free to See] [Eat Cheap] [Gamble Cheap] [Sleep Cheap]
[Lucky Ned] [Trip Reports] [Keno Jokes] [Vegas Haikus] [Encyclopedia Vegasana]

[Downtown Map] [Off-Strip Map] [Strip Map] [Lucky Links]

Questions or Comments?