2006 Suck in that gut, kiss the old lady (or old man) off and hit "Turbo Boost", because it's time to get your ass over to the Gold Spike Hotel AND Casino. That's right, we're talking the 9th annual Big Empire Cocktail Soiree, coming June 9-11, 2006. Please Note: Because of the passing of the beloved Mark "Stinky" Sinclair, the Big Empire Crew will not be in full attendance this year. Don't let that stop your fun, though! We're a bunch of jerks, anyway, so meet with other Big Empire fans and friends.

The 6th Annual Solar System Series of Poker The Solar System's most important tournament, the Solar System Series of Poker, is scheduled for noon at the Plaza Hotel and Casino on June 10th. This is a No-limit Texas Hold 'Em tournament and you play down to the felt. (Notice: game subject to change. If we can get the casino to deal Dogs on the Table, we'll play that! Bring a dog just in case. Or we'll rent you one.) Don't be intimidated by that guy to the right: he sucks! If you haven't played in a previous SSSOP, your chances of getting a seat in this prestigious $15 entry fee tournament with large cash prizes (plus you get a T-shirt ) are slim, but they aren't non-existent. You can add your name to the waiting list here. A few Waiting Listers do make it every year, and it is First Come, First Served. If you have played in a previous tournament, reserve your seat...NOW! Don't e-mail claiming to have played previously if you haven't. We sort of keep records of this kind of stuff sometimes.

The 9th Annual Cocktail Soiree The evening gets rolling 'round about cocktail hour (8 p.m. for sticklers) on June 10, where folks'll fuel up on cheap booze and mingle under the smoky haze hovering above the Gold Spike lounge. Meet other Big Empire fans, a bunch of sissies and a drunk guy who wants your spare change! And who knows? Lucky Ned might just stop by to bankrupt the joint whileyoue're there!

Sartorial Splendor Once again this year you are encouraged to dress the part of Vegas scalawag.Ritualistic self-mutilation is not necessarily a plus! Remember, , folks, that you're going for class, not necessarily just tacky. If you can do both, you'll fit right in. If you can do one or the other, well, you're ahead of most.

The 9th Annual Gold Spike Penny Invitational This event will not be helkd, unless you folks want to have it impromptu style. It's just that neither Stinky nor Matt will be there to hand out the pennies as usual. The Gold Spike still has a Copper Mine, and you should use it as long as they do. Use your loot in the most hotly contested gambling competition outside of Leisure World Bingo. Cheating, stealing and yelling are all not only acceptable, but actually encouraged. When the dust settles, whoever has the most pennies from the Gold Spike's World Famous Copper Mine wins.

The night devolves into debauchery The official events end when the last event is complete, but the party is far from over. Play some craps, drink mass quantities of beverages, eat pie at the Gold Spike, watch a Las Vegas sunrise, or do whatever other hijinks you can think of. Don't rest until you've either won every dollar from every Las Vegas casino or the sun comes up on a Sunday morning -- whichever's first

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