October 8, 2002
Big Boss Man
I thought I knew all about the "bosses" in charge of the Real World "jobs." Season after season, the Real World supervisor is an initially gruff and skeptical curmudgeon who eventually warms to the joie de vivre of the young hipsters he employs. By the end of the five months, Mr. Real World Boss does nothing but praise and hug his young charges.
Well, my dears, this year, the boss is skipping all that grumpiness and going straight for the hugs. The problem is, Marc's hugs aren't exactly platonic gestures of affection; they're blatant excuses to cop a feel. Darlings, one of my little rules of etiquette is, "A hug is not just a hug if it involves drooling on one's person," and Marc is breaking that rule.
At first, the kids think Marc is just being friendly. After all, he buys them drinks and jokes around with them, encourages them to have a good time. Irulan claims that Marc is "the best boss I've had, to date," then quickly corrects herself. A dangerous slip, dearies! For while she doesn't find him attractive in the least, and she would never go out with him in real life, she finds herself getting sucked in by the sheer power of Marc's persistence.
Evidently, Marc has tried to work his meager charms on all the Real World women, but Irulan is the one who gets tickled, fondled, groped and slung over one shoulder in this episode. After a disturbing interlude with Marc's cell phone (set on "vibrate" mode) in the casino, the employer and employee retreat to the former's boudoir. Marc obviously has a one-track mind, because "his whole apartment is a bed!"
But does Irulan scream and run from this dumpy, stubbly Svengali? Non! She instead finds herself under the covers with him, smooching and giggling. Suddenly, Irulan realizes what she's doing and escapes the ravenous clutches of Herr Wanderhands. But, Marc is like gum on the bottom of Irulan's shoe. In the blink of an eye, the two of them have merely exchanged Marc's bed for Irulan's bed (with a slight detour into a freaked-out, naked Arissa's bed).
The two of them keep their clothes on, and Irulan makes sure to show Marc pictures of her hunky boyfriend back home, but still, this co-habitation deviates from normal professional behavior (even by Hancock Fabric standards!). As Arissa says, Marc is a "sketchball." Irulan calls it "innocent fun," but anyone can see that she's having second thoughts about the workplace atmosphere.
Marc must be having second thoughts, too, because at the next staff meeting, he decides to get tough. He reminds the kids that they're not supposed to be drinking during work hours, and that if they can't handle it, they can settle for the glamorous lives of busboys and dishwashers in the casino's restaurant. Of course, Marc has been buying his employees drinks since they arrived, as well as drinking his own share. More than his own share, if this episode is any indication, mes amis.
"Don't make me be a bad guy boss!" Marc scowls. Voila! Here's that curmudgeon from the other seasons! But, it's too late. The kids have already formed their impression of Super-Party-Fun Marc, and now they can't adjust to the new Goose-Stepping Authoritarian Marc. The girls compare notes on Marc's touchy-feely behavior and concur that Marc's creepy. Steve tells Marc he should stay away from the girls "for his own good." Marc immediately changes the topic of conversation to his willingness to dock pay.
Irulan has gone all this time without uttering a peep to Marc about his icky behavior, other than "Are you sure you want to take it there?" To which, Marc's answer is an unhesitating "Boy howdy!" Finally, though, Irulan realizes that her passivity (and her giggling) enables Marc to be a creep, and she calls a private meeting between herself and Sir Gropes-a-lot. Marc stands all the way across the room and crosses his arms sternly, just to let Irulan know how much he loves to listen to her concerns. Well, he may not be friendly, but at least he doesn't have his warty ol' hands down her pants anymore, sweeties!
Frank loves to talk. He loves to talk so much that the words just flow right out of his gaping pie-hole with little or no restraint. It's like that roomful of typing chimps, something coherent is bound to come out sooner or later. So, he says things that offend his comrades, and then he tries to hide behind the "teasing" defense. Hey, he doesn't want to fight about it; he just wants to be terribly passive-aggressive. What's wrong with that?
In this episode, Frank tells Arissa, "You're the bitchy black chick; that's your position." Arissa doesn't really like being called a "bitchy black chick," but Frank evidently thinks he's just uttered a hilarious bon mot. He thinks his wit is on par with Moliere, with Oscar Wilde, with that guy who hits watermelons. He obviously doesn't get out much, does he?
Arissa tells the other housemates, of course, and they don't see the joke, either. Alton is so incensed that he jumps on Frank as soon as he sees him. Frank apologizes profusely, but Arissa's a little disappointed. She wanted to be the one who jumped on Frank! So, Alton steals her thunder, but Arissa and Frank still have their little talk. Arissa explains her position, and Frank promises he'll watch his mouth from now on. Ah, all is well in Bunim/Murray land.
But wait, Arissa refuses to hug Frank, since she's "afraid (her) black bitchiness with rub off." Sacre bleu, I think Frank could use a bit of black bitchiness! But, it's clear that Arissa and Frank aren't about to become lovey-dovey a la Mike-Coral.
Who Cries? No crying, but if Marc tried to climb into my bed in the middle of the night, I'd scream!
Most Annoying: Well, my pets, Marc is the easy answer, but he's not a cast member, so I choose Frank. He has to be the dimmest electrical engineer ever.
Professional Tip of the Week: If your randy boss wants to get in bed with you, saying "I'm naked!" will not scare him away.
Best Quote: Marc tries to save his butt, "Don't misinterpret a night of flirting, a night of fun, as something devious."
Next Week: The green-eyed monster pays a visit to Sin
City, and no, I don't mean Godzilla!
Want to tell Mrs. Filthy something?