October 5, 1999
Oldies but goodies.
With a number of people missing in action, there is nothing for the remaining housemates to do but revisit their favorite old themes. Colin and Amaya have it out, and Teck makes time with the ladies. Dumplings, you can never beat the classics.
The episode begins with Amaya begging Colin to let her move into his recently vacated half of the bunk-bed. Colin, like a mountain lion mother protecting her cubs, wants nothing of it. Amaya plays her trump card and turns on the water works. Colin, for all his hard-hearted posturing, finally relents, although he does try to tear the head off of Amaya's Teletubby doll, just so she knows who's boss.
Amaya, forgetting the ground rules about not trying to "hook up," invades Colin's new bottom bunk, jumps on his half-naked frame and jauntily swings her hair in his face. Oo-la-la. Colin is having none of it, though, and snarls at her. Could he finally be serious about their romance being over? Only time will tell, my little blossoms.
Matt and Kaia sit Amaya down and try to get her to see how desperate she appears. Matt, showing the compassion he learned during Ruthie's crisis, tells Amaya she is weak. Amaya responds the only way she knows how - she begins crying. She promises her concerned roommates that she will get tough. All that she actually manages, though, is a low-key hissy fit in the mini-van. Colin tells her to "stop talking, because I don't want to listen to you." Jutting her bottom lip out like a stubborn lad in a Norman Rockwell painting, she tells him he's mean and always interrupts. That's it?
All the while, Teck is busy wooing half of Hawaii's female, club-going population. The others express their concern about his reputation, which is sure to be besmirched soon, but Teck remains tres phlegmatique. To help him deal with his slutty tendencies, Matt accompanies him to a strip club, where one of the dancers manages the amazing feat of tearing Teck's undies off without him removing his pants.
The roommates' concern proves to be somewhat warranted. Kaia hears from one of Teck's many gal-pals that he was very upset about his previous altercation with Ruthie. While Matt might have tried to turn the story into an indication of his ultra-sensitivity, Teck calls the offending girl some nasty names and then declares, bewilderingly, "I need to get married, because I don't want a woman to be my downfall." It seems to me, buttercups, that being married would put an end to his philandering, which he would certainly consider his downfall. The thought never seems to cross Teck's mind that maybe if he weren't sleeping with every girl he sees, he wouldn't run the risk of some of them talking to one another.
Amaya, despite her claim that she doesn't want or need Colin, can't seem to get him off the brain, so she goes sky-diving with Matt and Teck. Of course, she is afraid of heights. Maybe she feels secure with the Twins underneath her to break any parachute-free falls, because she comfortable enough once it comes time to actually jump out of the plane. On the way down, she has an epiphany, realizing that she doesn't want or need Colin. Past evidence leads one to believe that her presence of mind won't last long, near-spiritual experiences notwithstanding.
In a final moment of resolve, she writes Colin a letter worthy of a budding junior high-school poet, telling him they are really through, and that she means it this time. She doesn't mention anything about sleeping somewhere other than a few feet above him, though.
Who's Shirtless This Week? Colin appears sans chemise once, but only in bed, so it hardly counts. A couple of strippers also take off their tops, but that's what strippers do.
Real World Sociological Truism: Everyone wants to be as promiscuous as Teck, way deep down inside. I don't know about you, darlings, but I have never felt the desire to let an exotic dancer tear my dainties to shreds.
Most Annoying Character? Colin is a pain in the derriere, and his nasty attitude is very unflattering. Amaya, however, drips tears from her ducts at every turn, crying no less than four times. Enough sobbing already!
Next Week: Matt can rejoice! Ruthie's coming back for more!
©1999 by Randy Shandis Enterprises. All rights reserved.