Mrs. Filthy's Real World Review

October 1, 2002

Tote That Barge!

I've been assistant manager at Hancock Fabrics for a while now, and I'm pretty happy there. Oh, occasionally, there will be a customer who's a little snippy about the price of rickrack, or a packet of tapestry needles will turn up missing during inventory. And those girls who work at that Jo-Ann Fabrics up the street are witches, pure and simple. But all in all, dearies, I don't complain. I know there are thousands of worse jobs out there. After all, mes petites, my husband has held many of them.

If one listens to Brynn (and maybe that's not such a good idea), one of those heinous jobs is the one she and her roommates are about to begin at The Palms. According to her, planning parties for a nightclub ranks down there with outhouse maintenance or boil lancing. What's her beef? "Personally, I only like to dance," she sniffs, "I don't even know if I can dance on this job!" Someone call the labor unions!

The other housemates don't seem as choosy. As soon as the informational packet with the VIP passes arrives, they're ready to board the corporate choo-choo train. Their new boss, Marc, encourages the kids to show off their skills, and before one can say "resume," they're cartwheeling and leaping about like wind-up toys. Alton does a handstand. Irulan does the splits. Steve admits that he tended bar at a gay establishment. Aren't they just supposed to say, I'm a people person," and be done with it?

Brynn is a wee bit intimidated by all this ambition and competence, sweeties. Does she have any skills to match her housemates? To hide her insecurity, she shows off her finest talent, complaining. "It's like school, and it's like homework, and I don't like doing it!" she rants to a pal over the phone. And then the indignity of attending orientation at 8 in the morning!

Well, to tell the truth, the orientation session does seem like a hard knock. The instructor chirps at the Real Worlders and waves her arms, and after a long night of partying, she must seem like an especially annoying alarm clock. But instead of throwing her across the room, they must play a game which involves introducing themselves with an adjective that begins with the first letter of their names. Frank calls himself "Exhausted Frank." E? F? What's the difference? Even Brynn does better than Frank, and she's hung over.

The first event that the kids have to organize at Rain has the cutting edge theme of "Catwalk." Oh, but this particular modeling job is "a little abstract," Marc assures the kids. I was expecting Dadaist poetry and birdcage headdresses, but it turns out that Marc really meant, "a little lame."

Arissa, who has some modeling experience, teaches her colleagues how to walk in that slow, slinky way that models do. It's not an easy job, especially since her housemates keep dropping their sultry facades to giggle and nudge each other. Giggling and nudging are not sexy! The kids' giggling and nudging immediately evaporate on the big night, however. Then, it's the job of the audience to giggle and nudge.

The kids do their duty and strut around in midriff-baring clothes and big hair. Actually, Brynn doesn't just strut, she wiggles across the stage. She either has ants in her pants, or she's just figured out how to incorporate dance into her new job. Suddenly, working doesn't seem so darn bad. And the other Real Worlders are happy with their performances, too. "No one shot me!" exclaims Frank.

Frank should watch his back, however. The patrons of Rain might not want to kill him, but one of his housemates might. It turns out that Arissa, who has a boyfriend back home, has decided that Steven has cute lips. Sure, she's lonely, and Steven spins her around so much, the girl could be excused for getting a wee bit dizzy. So dizzy, it seems, that she falls right into Steven's bed.

Of course, nothing happens, but Irulan, for some unimaginable reason tells Frank about the bedhopping. Frank, who seems to be keeping tabs on Steven's conquests, confronts Arissa, "You and Steven had sex?!" That boy sure knows how to be discreet, my darlings! However, Arissa is hurt that Irulan would expose a friend. Irulan doesn't want to be the bad guy, and blames everything on Frank.

Well, Frank is pretty creepy, so that's pretty easy. Within moments, Irulan and Arissa are friends again, and Frank apologizes to the girls. But he's not sorry! He's just trying to avoid conflict; how the heck did he get on this show?

Who Cries? No one cries, they're just working too hard! Oh, but Brynn pukes, does that count?

Most Annoying: How dare they make Brynn work! And such a horrible job, too! She's just going to work those fingers right to the bone!

Professional Tip of the Week: Courtesy of Brynn: those tiresome breaks fly by in a jiffy if one spends them kneeling in front of a toilet!

Best Quote: Brynn tells a friend, "I'm just, like, the dumb girl, I just wanna dance!"

Next Week: Irulan curries favor with her new boss! Frank keeps track of this, too.

Want to tell Mrs. Filthy something?

This Week, Mrs. Filthy's Reading:

The Mismeasure of Man by Steven Jay Gould