September 7, 1999
Life goes on.
So, how much more drama did you think this program could milk from Ruthie's situation? You'll all be relieved to know that other things are happening besides house meetings and spurious nervous breakdowns. Not that Matt is ready to move on- he's pitched his tent on Mt. Sensitivity, and he's not willing to de-camp anytime soon. Justin hypothesizes that Matt has finally figured out that his major talent is acting caring and supportive, and he's not about to give up that gig. That is, not until he's absolutely certain that it won't get him chicks.
Matt posits, "We don't have the ability to compartmentalize the extreme situation that is Ruthie." May I suggest that you get everyone a file cabinet and be done with it, you big creep? He claims that he will leave messages for Ruthie forever and ever and ever. But, my chickadees, would you take a call from someone who seems to have so many intestinal problems? First of all, gut-tears were threatening to jump out his eyes, and now his gut is wrenched because he doesn't have his sweaty mitts on Ruthie. Maybe he shouldn't risk India. Anyway, his relentless messages have some effect, because he manages to have dinner with Ruthie and her twin, Sara.
By this time, Matt has fastened his reptilian gaze upon Sara, who is just like Ruthie, except she's not a drunk, and she's not gay. The "sensitive Care Bear" may have given up on the now wary Ruthie, but Sara's available, goshdarnit! Matt hits on Sara by relating a premise for a very, very bad novel, starring himself, Ruthie, and Sara in a tortured menage a trois. Sara keeps a wise distance but still acts as an interpreter between Ruthie and Matt.
Meanwhile, Big Boss Man Calvin takes the house uproar in stride but doesn't cut the cast much slack. And, right he is, my dears; if you give those kids an inch, they'll take a mile and run home to pick at their linty navels. He reminds his young charges that they have a responsibility to Local Motion to provide weekly entertainment. And what about their obligation to provide us with weekly entertainment?. Calvin suggests that they should try something different, like a fashion show.
At first, the kids blankly chomp their gum in response, but then they prepare for the gala event by improvising radio promotions, auditioning local talents, setting up chairs, and trying on lip gloss. Matt shifts his concern from his wayward Polynesian princess for a nanosecond, just to worry that Teck is doing all the work. Indeed, Teck is so hyperactive that he does everyone's tasks whether they want him to or not. And, you know what? When the big day arrives, there isn't a single disaster. Even when Colin jerks around like an epileptic chicken, all in the name of fashion, the performance is nothing short of eventless.
Wait, there's more! Not only are the kids putting together a show and recovering from Hurricane Ruthie, they're also getting ready for their trip to India. A Brit named Dr. Ansdell brings some slides to the house to prepare the kids for such exotic facts of travel as diarrhea and poverty. Teck, however, is concerned about dessert availability. And, he doesn't miss an opportunity to remind us all of his manliness "I'm not a fruit guy," he declares. To be sure, he has his own quirks, like wearing diapers.
If you ask me, the best part of this episode is when everyone receives an arsenal of painful shots. I was hoping the nurse would mess up, so that they'd all have to get stuck with a needle again. The second best part of the show is when Amaya, horrified by the thought of getting up close and personal with intestinal parasites, flees to Costco and stocks up on energy bars and gum. "Trident is nutritional," she claims optimistically.
Indeed, I can't miss this opportunity to wonder whether Amaya will be able to limit her experience of India to bulk food and the Taj Mahal. I get the feeling that if she went to France, she'd peek at the Mona Lisa and turn right around for home. Maybe she is so careful because she "has a feeling that something is going to happen." Just stay off of that runaway luggage cart, girlie!
As a parting shot, the clinic-bound Ruthie tells Matt, via Sara, that she feels betrayed by him. Bon Voyage!
Who's Shirtless This Week? Teck takes his shirt off, but only for medical reasons. Does that even count?
Real World Casting Tip of the Week: If you want me to gossip about you next year, you'd better get your fannies in action. The deadline is September 17!
Most Annoying Character? Mais oui, Matt is still his creepy self. I'm getting bored with him, though- perhaps someone else will usurp the crown next week.
Next Week: The kids make their passage to India. Six kids go, five kids return! (Don't you wish?)
©1999 by Randy Shandis Enterprises. All rights reserved.