July 16, 2002
Did you not get enough of Kyle's rationalizations? Tonya's dourness? Aneesa's ample backside? Well, dearies, Bunim/Murray is nothing if not obliging. My sweet husband remarked the other day that MTV, like the Indians, uses every possible scrap from the carcass. This particular piece of gristle, "Real World Chicago RE:union: Stop Being Polite," clocks in at about an hour. That takes a lot of chewing, mes amis!
If you asked the Chicago cast members how they were doing, they'd all reply "Good," but it would only be a noncommittal "Good," with an uncomfortable pause. After all, the episodes of their lives in the Windy City are still showing every week, and the embarrassment must be very fresh. Cara jokes, "I get drunk every Tuesday." At least, I hope that was a joke.
It's only been a few months since taping ended, but it seems that the entertainment bug has bitten a few of the kids in the bottom, as it always does. Kyle and Cara are both in Los Angeles, pursuing acting careers. Kyle was offered a job on the soap opera "Passions," but turned it down because, after all, he had performed Shakespeare! I'll bet you that even the guy in the sandwich suit on the corner performed Shakespeare in college, but Kyle seems confident. Cara is less cocky; she admits that she'll be staying at Chez Mom and Dad this summer, but she tries hard to make it sound upbeat, like extended quality time.
Theo and his brothers recently started an "entertainment company." Whether this means that they own a troupe of dancing dogs or leap out of cakes at birthday parties is unclear. Nevertheless, Theo heartily plugs his new business venture to a national audience. And, Chris is still "acting" and "modeling" in New York. After all that, it's almost a relief to hear that Keri, Aneesa and Tonya have resisted the urge to be starlets so far. Keri is engaged and moving to San Francisco, and Aneesa is a cocktail waitress who loves her mother.
And Tonya? It turns out that she's no longer joined at the hip to Justin. After watching the show, she recognized some areas for self-improvement, and apparently, Justin was one of the first things tossed on the dust heap. When asked whether she was accurately portrayed on "The Real World," Tonya replies, "Unfortunately, probably." And she cries, a lot. It's clear, darlings, that this season shook her up. Isn't she supposed to blame everything on the editing?
But, blow-dried host Brian wants to get right to the heart of the matter- "getting naked." At least we know what his priorities are, my sweets! "I don't know where to begin," he admits, with just a smidgen of awe. So he turns to Cara and asks her if she's a slut. Cara begins by defending the sexual rights of young women everywhere, but can't resist denying that she would ever roll in the hay like a sow in heat. "If I was having as much sex as it looks like, I'd be a much happier woman," she declares.
As for everyone else, as soon as the taping ended, so did any romantic excitement. Aneesa claims to have found "peace." Yawn. Keri says she never felt used. Yawn! Chris is looking for Mr. Right. Double yawn! The only spark occurs when Keri , who previously appeared almost comatose, accuses Kyle and Cara of dishonest dealings. Cara conveniently suffers from memory loss at this point.
But, even she can't deny the degree of backstabbing that went on in the Chicago house."We all got caught," Cara admits. But, Aneesa doesn't feel too bad about badmouthing Tonya; by now, she's heard Tonya's infamous phone conversation with Justin, in which she was described as selfish and immature. I suppose it was a relief to learn that the feeling was mutual, darlings. In any case, hard feelings seem to be at a minimum among the cast member. We're only missing a big group hug.
But with all that trash-talking, we evidently missed hours of belching, pratfalls and spontaneous nudity. At least, that's what the "unseen footage" seems to suggest. But never fear, there's an entire videocassette full of such bodily mishaps, and it is for sale. We now bid the kids adieu, but their farts and pimples will live forever on DVD.
Who's Topless? Everyone keeps their clothes on in front of the studio audience, but we see lots of flashbacks of Aneesa's skin let's call them fleshbacks.
Who Cries? A very contrite Tonya cries through the whole show.
Most Annoying: I swear, my bon bons, that smarmy host Brian McLayden says "What's Up?" about twenty million times.
Best Quote: Aneesa recalls a morning long ago, "I asked him (Theo), 'Did you fantasize about me?' And he said, 'Actually, I licked your back last night.'"
Next Time: Darlings, I'll return August 6th, for "The
Real World: The Lost Season." I'm skeptical, though. If
this Vancouver season was lost, it was probably for a good reason!
Want to tell Mrs. Filthy something?