Where we discuss MTV's Beloved "Real-Life" Soap Opera

Mrs Filthy's Real World Report


First aired: June 30, 1998

The topic: Everybody wants some luv.

No more lounging, my sweets! It's time for the kids to join the workaday world like the rest of us. They drag themselves out of bed, take their S.A.D. meds, primp, and arrive at the radio station, ready to be the best darn modulators in the Seattle metropolitan area. Their first task is to make a room "trippy" for a live performance by Cornershop, so they haul in enough cushions and candles to make the place look like a Pier 1 seconds store. Poor, sheltered Irene mistakes the roadies for the band and pesters them about bosomy song lyrics. Suddenly, her fate is revealed to her; she is destined to become "a crew groupie". Well, if Neil Diamond is unavailable, then there's nothing wrong with looking elsewhere, pets.

Their next job is to conduct some annoying contests at a Superdeluxe concert. Unfortunately, these activities gave me flashbacks of the icebreakers we used to have at Ladies' Auxillary functions. To warm up the crowd, Rebecca clambers onto the stage and sings that God song, hoping to inspire the earnest waving of lighters throughout the room. Irene, possessed by the spirit of Neil, leaps into the pit; she's going to get the hang of this alternative music biz thing if it kills her.

The Real Worlders and the band head back to Pier 70 for a little schmoozing and boozing. All the girls cluster around Superdeluxe like hungry geese- never mind that these guys aren't rich, aren't handsome, aren't famous. Who cares? They're in a band! Janet teases Superdeluxe about their use of makeup. Irene gets her genres mixed up and receives an embarrassed eyeroll from Superdeluxe when she wonders aloud if they're grunge. While all of this is going on, Dave mopes on the sidelines. He says he's worried that the girls are going to be seduced by these "skinny little pseudorockers trying to get into their pants." My, aren't we territorial this evening?

The radio job seems anticlimactic after that shindig, but the kids actually have to perform some labor. They carry some heavy equipment throught the studio and scratch a doorway. Of course, now they have to fix the damage themselves (Why not hire someone? What, and miss the photo opportunity?). All the kids vow to help out. "We'll make it fun," they add hopefully but not with too much conviction.

And now for the juicy juice... Rebecca and Dave hold a little aesthetics forum in the jacuzzi. Rebecca claims that she doesn't go out of her way to be sexy- no trampy minidresses for her! Dave confronts her with his pointy finger . It is his considered opinion that everyone is vain, even Nature Gals like herself. Just because Rebecca takes a fifteenth of the primping time as Mr Confrontational, doesn't mean she's immune! As they walk to a dinner date, Rebecca calls him a "primpy" and wears a black babushka to show her solidarity with all the un-vain people in Eastern Europe. Dave is touched, and says, rather inexplicably, "She's my glass menagerie, because she hasn't been broken yet. She doesn't need the super glue." I guess that means that he likes her, folks. Later, he declares that "There's something pure about her. Something that I want." Her Ivory soap, perchance?

Don't think that these crazy coo-coo kids can escape the notice of others. Lindsay and Janet, the Real World's own Greek chorus, share their opinions about Dave's hotness for Rebecca. "He wouldn't go for hardcore bitches like us," sayeth Lindsay, with not a small trace of bitterness in her voice.

But, this potential pairing is to remain just that. After the Superdeluxe evening, Rebecca hooks up with Ron, a white rapper. The most impressive thing about him is that he doesn't freestyle on the first date. And who says chivalry is dead? The most annoying thing about him is that his presence inspires Rebecca to greet everyone and everything with a hearty "What up?". At first, Dave poo-poos the likelihood of their couplehood, but it's not long before he starts calling her "a little playa" and making fun of her friend's facial hair. Ah, how cruel luv can be! Rebecca wasn't romantically interested in either of these knuckleheads, but nevertheless, she learns the important lesson that hanging out with guys can bring nothing but trouble. Dave's frustrated. "I was trying to give you vibes, for god's sake!" he howls.

So, my friends, you might be wondering what's happening in the love lives of the other Real Worlders. In this episode, Nathan converses with his damsel Stephanie on the videophone. He tells her that he gets along well with all the girls in the house, and through the wonders of technology, we can see that Stephanie is not pleased about this. When he's not chatting on the phone, Nathan is busy "clicking" with Irene; it seems that they share a similar sense of humor. She gives him back rubs, he calls her "dumb ass". It's sweet. Irene's horoscope and her psychic friend both predict that she will get some action in the near future. If only Nathan would stop talking about Stephanie all the time... It's no wonder Irene wants him "to be independent for a while", if only to change the topic of conversation.

Again, the Greek chorus steps in, this time to discuss their impression of Irene. Sure, Lindsay and Janet badmouthed the curly-haired comic when they first met her, but now they "totally dig her". She's real, she's intelligent, she carries around a picture of her own colon.


Number of times Dave is shirtless: A whopping four times! Be proud, young man, share your nips with the world!

The Most Annoying Character? Dave's hitting on Rebecca so hard, she should be wearing a helmet. And then, he's pouty when she doesn't fall breathlessly into his pumped up arms. Go figure.

Next Week: Nathan and Irene face off in the Wrestle-o-rama of the Century!

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