Mrs Filthy's Real World Review

June 20, 2000

Getting To Know You

Remember how David oohed and aahed over "Welcome to my Trolley Lady" Julie last week? Well, my petites peches, that infatuation seems to be as old and forgotten as yesterday's crawdads. This week, David's spending his free time with Bachelorette #2 Melissa, again with no results. Unless you count crying.

Melissa feels an immediate connection to David. He's someone with whom she can talk openly, and loudly, about her personal history and love life. And they seem to share an interest in cuisine, since they talk quite a bit about the "Ghetto Kitchen." But the connection is not so much about David as her revulsion towards all the other whiteys in the household. She feels that he, unlike all these blondes-from-good-homes tromping around the parquet floors, will be there for her if she needs him.

David calls Melissa "animated" and "beautiful," but adds a troubling note when he mentions that she reminds him of the girlfriend who "started his metamorphosis." You mean someone else is responsible for the navel gazing? For those incoherent platitudes? For those biceps? She must've been a piece of work! My dears, David might well turn out to be the Kaia of this season. Anyway, he expects to hook up with Melissa tout de suite.

But it's going to be a bumpy road before the intersection, mes amis. In the past, Melissa's experience with dating black men has been "poor and sour," because she just wasn't black enough for them. She also wants copious attention from everyone else within shouting distance. She tells David bluntly, "I have to be the star." You see, her parents were so busy working their tails off to go to PTA meetings, and Melissa is still trying to make up for their perceived neglect by demanding everyone else's interest. Melissa's traumatic childhood has apparently addled her brains, too; moments after her anti-parent outburst, she's tearfully calling home and wandering the streets muttering to herself out of pure homesickness.

Rankled by loneliness and insecurity and the need to attract attention, Melissa resolves to have herself a big night. Earlier in the episode, Melissa mentions that she doesn't want her drinking to become an issue and that she doesn't like her lack of control when she drinks. But, tonight, that doesn't matter. What does matter is screwdrivers and suggestive dancing with a number of men. Everyone has her own priorities, darlings.

Melissa attempts to get funky with David, but her moves don't jibe with his personal aesthetic. Maybe she's clashing with his biceps. He's "just not feelin' it," and makes a quick getaway. Of course, that means that he misses the big show. Melissa takes an opportunity at a strip club to lick people she barely knows and to rub money on her boobs. She is invigorated by all the laughs she gets, although I'm sure most women would not appreciate the reaction. Jamie does admit, however, that she does know how "to work it." Hmmm.

Later, when Melissa and David talk about her exploits, he tells her not to expect his presence when she's drinking. Melissa feels pressured to either give up drinking or give up David. For most of us, the choice doesn't seem all that difficult, but Melissa evidently resents what she perceives as an ultimatum. They both sulk and spout nonsense, until Melissa tells David not to talk to her for the next five months. Finally, my pets! Someone is speaking reason!

When David gives Melissa the silent treatment she requested, however, the attention-hungry moppet has a hard time dealing with it. She says she pleads tearfully with David to "smooth things over" for the house's sake, but I have a feeling that she has a mortal terror of being ignored. They hug; all is "well." So, we're all waiting when's David going to profess an interest in Kelley?

In the other story, Julie is learning so much in her new life. Sometimes, learning can stressful, like when one's roommates put condoms in your fruit bowl. But, it can be rewarding, too. Par exemple, Julie has already learned that Danny has no interest in interior decorating, even though he's gay! It's clear that Julie is fond of Danny, but is troubled by his sexual orientation; after all, she's never seen gay bunnies (I have), so homosexuality can't be natural, can it? For now, Julie is content to just observe and refrain from passing judgement. And eat bagels, lots of bagels.

Did You Know? Anne Rice's son was a frequent visitor to Le Maison Real World. Gathering information for Mother's newest book, perhaps?

Who's Shirtless: Melissa satisfies the technical requirements for toplessness, although she makes strategic use of cold hard currency. Danny is also shirtless in one scene, but in a much more chaste manner.

Who Cries: Melissa cries thrice- one for resentment, two for loneliness and three to get her way. Way to work those tear ducts, Melissa!

Most Annoying: How many times must we hear about Melissa feeling like an outcast before it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy? She makes a mountain out of a molehill in this episode. Beware ye of little patience!

Best Quote: "I brought all of me with me," says David. He certainly does take up a lot of room, doesn't he?

Next Week: The first day on the job, and the kids are already screwing up.

Want to tell Mrs. Filthy something?

This Week, Mrs. Filthy's Reading:

Altered States by Anita Brookner

Man Crazy by Joyce Carol Oates