Mrs Filthy's Real World Review


April 17, 2001


Long, long ago, if two girls hated each other's guts, they would settle their dispute in a ladylike fashion. They might spread scandalous gossip (Who's wearing the falsies?), or they might try to snag their enemy's man. If the rivalry was especially bitter, there might even be some hair-pulling involved. Things have changed, mes amis. The young women of today now throw themselves off buildings. You know what? This method doesn't solve anything, either.

Emily and Julie have yet to experience a friendly moment in this Challenge. Emily calls Julie "a pit bull" (Sacre bleu! She certainly has the neck of one!); Julie thinks Emily is a whiner. Emily cringes at Julie's incessant jumping and hooting. Julie's still rather sore about her defeat in the wrestling ring from the Emilinator. We have, my darlings, the recipe for a cat fight.

Girls battling it out, exotic locations- this could be a very special episode, indeed. The teams travel to Hamburg, Germany to some sort of Teutonic extreme sport compound, where super-komputers devise yet more ways to die by bungee cord. No time for dancing to Kraftwerk now, sweeties, the competitions start immediately, with the bike-up-a-rope race. Those krazy krauts!

Jamie and Rebecca win the first event handily for the Real World team, and the kids move on to the second event, a rappelling race. Christian uses his tiny gnome legs and a pinch of pixie dust to clamber skillfully down the wall, while Dan gropes and falls like the clumsy oaf he is. The Road Rules team now has a chance to even up the score, and who should be competing, but Emily and Julie. Or, as Syrus adeptly phrases it, "The two crazy girls on each team are going at it."

Emily is in the lead, set to trounce Julie yet again, when the Mormon Mauler loses traction and panics. Seeing nothing but defeat and disgrace in her future, Julie picks up her feet and falls down the wall, scooping up each flag in her wake. Emily feels robbed of her rightful victory. Julie retorts that the rules said nothing about feet touching walls, and anyway, it was the staff's fault for not giving her enough rope. Glares hot enough to melt rock are exchanged.

Whatever. This whole mess could be solved easily with a re-match, right? Dearies, you're being too reasonable. Emily refuses to budge from her iron-clad principles. She claims that she could just as easily win a second time as she did the first, but she shouldn't have to "swallow her pride." She screams, "I want the 50 points, or I'm not happy!"

The other Road Rulers initially try to persuade Little Miss Pissed to try the game again, but after a while, all they can do is stand back and watch in terror as Emily's face swallows itself in a massive pout. The team, especially Susie who is still harping on her college tuition payments, is not at all happy with the prospect of losing 10,000 dollars because of Emily's "principles."

Meanwhile, the Real World team accepts the challenge of a re-match, only to learn that Emily has stormed off. Kameelah vents, "Nothing's going to make her happy, so why is everyone kissing her ass?" It turns out that no one gets the points, and we gratefully move on to the final contest of the day, the one that involves the inevitable water balloon/ bungee cord combo.

The tension has lessened a bit by now, but Emily's snippiness has not. When Dan (who really should consider playing The Joker in the next Batman movie) scores the winning point for the Real Worlders, Emily meows, "I'm happy. I really am. I'm happy that they won something legitimately." Let it go, already! When her team broaches the topic of "attitude," Emily refuses to acknowledge that her fit of pique had any effect on their loss.

In desperation, Christian tries to talk some sense into Emily's cloudy little head. He reminds her that she's part of a team, and that she has to consider other people's feelings. Even though she practically bites his elfin ears off, Emily claims later that Christian's wise words convinced her that she still had "a lot of growing to do."

In the end, Julie and Emily resolve their conflict the old fashioned way, with a full day of shopping. All is well, or is it? Julie, complete with Metallica Chick hairdo, quips, "Emily and I are trying to be friends, but this trip is not over yet!" Better sharpen those claws, ladies.

Who's Topless: James shows his nips early in the show, but this episode is otherwise quite gear-heavy. Even if the teams wore no shirts, the harnesses, buckles, ropes, etc. would cover up every inch of skin.

Who Cries? Whining has officially supplanted crying, although Dan does threaten, "I'm going to cry again" as he stares at the ground far, far below.

Best Quote: "This is insanity. I went to college," mutters Dan as he re-evaluates his career choices.

Most Annoying: Emily says Julie is a pit bull, but when it comes to bone-picking, she gnaws it to death!

Next Week: Quelle horreur! We're forced to watch some strange ritual involving nudity, spankings and way, way too much makeup.

Want to tell Mrs. Filthy something?

This Week, Mrs. Filthy's Reading:

The Last Three Minutes: Conjectures About the Ultimate Fate of the Universe by Paul Davies