March 20, 2001
No one, I repeat, no one can make me believe that cheerleading is an "extreme" sport. That is, of course, unless the routines involve sword-swallowing and cliff-diving. In this episode, we hear plenty about the bone-breaking potential of herkies and double twists, but I get the feeling that Bunim/Murray put this week's challenge in the series to even things out a bit. After all, mes amis, not everyone can be a roller-derby champion or bungee enthusiast.
Indeed, Road Ruler Michelle is practically salivating to begin this week's cheerleading extravaganza. It turns out that she danced and jiggled with the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders for two years. We even see her very fromage-laden Glamour Shot, complete with big hair and sparkly cleavage. Michelle and her teammates feel that this challenge is in the Road Rules' bag.
There is, however, one obstacle for the Road Rules' team. And, non, it's not the fact that Christian is convinced that cheerleading is all about "fluffy things you hold and go like this." Emily still has flashbacks of her traumatic high school cheerleader tryouts. Her inept flailings in front of the popular crowd constitute the most embarrassing moment of her life, and she's not exactly looking forward to repeating it. Oddly enough, she also hopes to avoid breaking her neck.
Even so, darlings, I would be lying to you if I said that the Real World team shared the Road Rulers confidence. It's pretty pathetic when their closest thing to a secret weapon is Dancin' Dan. It's even more pathetic when Dan goes heavy on the diva behavior, appointing himself "Chief," and trying to brainwash his teammates into little Dan-ettes. If you're looking for suspense this week, dears, I suggest you turn to another reality program. The Real Worlders don't have a Hostess Snowball's chance in my kitchen.
The kids are mentored by some disturbingly perky cheerleaders and one big fuzzy bear at Boston University. In the short space of a day, the two teams must come up with a theme, a chant and an ideal cheer. "We're going from JV to Varsity right now," warns cheer coach Christie. And this is supposed to be as exciting as midget-wrestling or being pulled around by a big red blimp?
The Road Rules team wracks their fluffy little brains and comes up with the 70s as a theme, relying lots of blue eye shadow and Saturday Night Fever references. Cheerleaders still think this sort of easy camp is novel, however, and so the Disco Dolls win out over the Real World's "Pimpin'" theme. The Real Worlders, despite their lame costumes and misapprehension of the word "unison," attempt to retaliate with such witty lines as, "We're famous/ Road Rules kiss our anus!" Even Syrus' vow to be "honey glazed ham," brings them no closer to victory. Dan learns that he mustn't let the "chief-ness" go to his head, if the team is to succeed.
For the ideal cheer, all the cast members spring around like jumping beans and complete all sorts of backflips and handsprings. All the girls get thrown up in the air like confetti, but no one gets hurt. Even loopy-legged Emily is successful in her double twist, which heals her high school trauma immediately and gains her the title of this week's MVP. The Road Rules team is 10K closer to catching up with the Real Worlders. But I can't say that I'm excited enough to shake my pom-poms, or anything.
Best Quote: "I trust you. I do. I just want to know what you have up your butt," Jamie reassures Dan about his leadership.
Most Annoying: Dan, a.k.a. "Big Chief," manages to alienate his teammates and everyone else within shouting distance.
Coming Soon: The kids walk a thin line between absurdity