Mrs. Filthy's Real World Review

March 12, 2002

Aneesa More Attention

If you remember from last week, dearies, Aneesa, with much sound and fury, had just chased Veronica and her girl-toy out of the house. At least she waits until she's indoors again to dissolve into tears. That's the last reasonable act she performs in this episode, actually. Soon enough, Aneesa is doing darned silly things like calling her mother with an expectation of maternal sympathy. What does she get instead? "I warned you!" Mom bellows. "Just have a good time with the people you live with!" Well, if I can't have fun with these people, I don't see how anyone else can, mes amis!

Some time elapses, and Aneesa has apparently forgotten Veronica's penchant for Springer-esque confrontations, because she's eagerly waiting for Veronica to call. When Veronica does finally leave a message, Aneesa gleefully re-enacts the dancing hippo scene from "Fantasia." "I knew the bitch was going to call!" she gloats as she prances and skips!

Aneesa wants to gloat so badly, that she actually meets with the odious Veronica. Her housemates all think this is a bad course of action, but what they don't understand is that the stupider the action, the more opportunity for yelling and wild gesticulating! Aneesa's going to have her moment, come heck or high water. Her moment includes the following: licking some sort of goo off her fingers, storming out huffily and elaborately demanding an apology.

Once the moment passes, however, Aneesa and Veronica are walking arm-in-arm, just like the best of chums. You see, Aneesa has decided to give her little love-troll another chance. This second chance lasts about 3.2 seconds before a drunken femme-fight, instigated by Veronica's bosoms, breaks out. The police come, and that certainly puts a damper on the romance, darlings! The lesson, mes petites chous? Never brandish your bosoms in anger!

Aneesa clearly hasn't experienced enough suffering yet, though, and so she calls her mom with all the sordid details. You can almost hear Mom wincing as she cuts Aneesa off, requesting only bland, good news from now on. Aneesa doesn't understand her Mom's lack of interest and asks somberly, "What's happening to us?" After all, it's not enough to be on the outs with just one person. Why not burn all your bridges at once, my sweets!

Veronica calls again, only to have Aneesa accuse her of always wanting to be the center of attention. Well, well, that's the pot calling the kettle histrionic! Whatever existed between Aneesa and Veronica is brought to an abrupt halt with Aneesa's surly riposte, "Feel the center of this, bitch!" As in old science fiction movies, we're told this is the end or is it?!

Aneesa and Veronica aren't the only ones craving the white hot glare of attention from indifferent strangers. Cara feels that her inability to be single is her biggest fault, although I'm sure if we all put our heads together, we could come up with some others. Since she was 13, she's latched on like a lamprey to any guy who would sit still long enough.

Is it the fact that her "brilliant" endocrinologist father was, until recently, distant and cold? Is it Cara's nonstellar performance in athletics and academics that makes her seek approval from men? Or, is Cara just completely lacking in self-control? Cara says that her relationship with her father has improved, but then again, there's something a little off-putting about her eager "daddy's little girl" act. When her father visits, I almost expected Cara to burrow into his shirt pocket.

When Daddy leaves, however, Cara must find some sort of surrogate male to burrow into. Or, as the case may be, to burrow into her. Conveniently, Kyle's goofily-monikered friend Djordje visits. Cara takes one look at him and leaps into his lap. To the entrancing strains of "Come On Be My Baby Tonight" (the famous dirge by Real World New Orleans' own Dave!), Cara and Djordje progress rapidly from hand-holding in the jacuzzi to "landing the deal," which is just Cara's romantic way of describing sexual intercourse.

Djordje makes it pretty clear that he fully expects Cara to disappear forever after their little roll in the hay, but Cara's latching mechanism is working overtime. She's never had a one-night stand before, and she doesn't like the easy, sleazy way it makes her feel! Instead of learning from the experience to restrain herself, Cara talks to Kyle about her abandonment. He didn't even leave a note!

Kyle exhorts Djordje to do his manly duty, which in the old times would've involved matrimony, but nowadays includes a measly phone call. Cara is more than satisfied, however. "I forgive you, especially now that you called," she tells her phantom lover. Djordje is noncommittal, but Cara attempts to lure him closer so that she can get her hooks in. Anything, even Dull Djordje, is better than being alone!

Who's Topless? It's a towel party around the Real World pad this week, with both Theo and Cara swathed in absorbent yet stylish terry cloth. Exotically named guest star Djordje shares topless billing with Theo this evening.

Who Cries? Aneesa cries over the whole Veroni-mess, while loving every dramatic moment of it.

Most Annoying: Aneesa, with her yen for big messy scenes, would be tres, tres irritating to live with, no? She even bores Cara's dad with her love troubles!

Best Quote: Evidently, Keri is preparing to be some sort of tour guide; "Look at the slut in the hot tub!" she eagerly commands her housemates.

Next Week: Tonya requires more medical attention! With an emphasis on attention!

Mrs Filthy's "Battle of the Seasons" Review


March 11, 2002

A Note:

This week, we were treated to a sort of half-time show for the "Battle of the Seasons." I suppose this collection of old footage was designed to make us nostalgic for events that happened mere weeks ago. Remember how icky Holly and Chadwick were together? Remember Stephen's horseplay in the pool, a place where horseplay is always, always forbidden? Oh, what happy times! I guess it's all downhill from here.

Want to tell Mrs. Filthy something?

This Week, Mrs. Filthy's Reading:

Bulfinch's Mythology: The Age of Chivalry and Legends of Charlemagne by Thomas Bulfinch