Mrs Filthy's "Battle of the Seasons" Review


March 4, 2002


It' s now Team Real World's turn to feel tres foolish, mes amis. While the Road Rulers cheerfully vote off bottom-feeders Chris and Belou, the Real Worlders are agonizing over their own choice. Coral, of course, is adamant that "dark cloud" Stephen must haunt someone else's horizon, and Sean (who happens to stare like a border collie) agrees that Stephen's "unsportsmanlike conduct" makes him an unbearable teammate.

However, voting Team Seattle off violates the little lovey-dovey arrangement the Real Worlders made at the beginning of the competition. If the inner circle were to follow the usual system, Miami's Mike and Flora would be the goners. And think of all the room at the buffet table that would create! Kelley is the only inner circle member who doesn't want to budge from the original plan; she can't bear to lose her "little powerhouse" Lindsay. But, alas, alack, the two blonde pixies must be torn asunder, according to the will of the majority.

Whatever moral superiority the Real Worlders claimed over Team Road Rules has dissipated. Now it's the Winnebago Tribe who gropes and hoots with the gleeful announcement of the departing team. Belou feels like she's leaving "with dignity." Where she found that dignity, we'll never know, darlings. She certainly didn't have it when she arrived in Cabo! And her partner Chris may not have won the big prize, but he feels like he's $50,000 richer in emotion. He'll go home and perhaps buy an emotion car, or put a down payment down on an emotion house.

The Real World team is much more subdued. When it Mike announces that Lindsay and Stephen will be the departing Real World team, he says, "We all are family, but" To paraphrase Pee Wee Herman, everybody has a big but, and in this case, my dears, it's that weirdo Stephen! As the Road Rules team gloats in the background, those old fogies Norman and Becky berate the Real World inner circle for not following the plan. The whole team unity idea seems about to crumble, but Lindsay steps in as peacemaker and exhorts her colleagues to go for the gold. She stays perky in milk!

Soon enough, the remaining teams must fulfill yet another mission involving those Challenge staples, a body of water and a bungee cord. The aim is to shoot baskets while rocketing towards the water. It doesn't seem to matter whether the team is confident, i.e. Mike and Coral (now that Stephen is no more), terrified (both Becky and Danny bow out) or merely hopeful (Adam and Jisela discuss theology out of pure desperation); just about every team fails the mission.

Only Holly and Theo manage to make a basket and gain 5 points. As the day's victors, they receive a pair of scooters, which Theo immediately destroys out of pure boneheadedness. "I probably shouldn't have won anything with wheels on it," he slurs. Perhaps he'd be better with a scooter if it was rusting up on blocks in his front yard! Or, was pulled by mules!

The inner circles for both Team Real World and Team Road Rules remain the same, and deliberation is minimal. Both teams vote off the bottom-ranking members, eliminating all our scheming fun. Adam and Jisela bid a subdued adieu, while Flora and Mike take the stage to whip their Real World teammates into a frenzy. Mike's glad to be leaving, since he has some golf to play and whales to eat, apparently. So, darlings, both teams seem to be getting along swimmingly right now. More's the pity.

Next Week: There's a bit of inter-team love action. Who? Here's a hint: Coral's not too happy about it!

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This Week, Mrs. Filthy's Reading:

The Fermata by Nicholson Baker