Mrs Filthy's Real World Review

February 28, 2000

Sore Loser

In the first few minutes of this episode, everyone gushes about Dave's popularity. Even the other team likes him. We even get to see him lounging poolside with all the Road Rules femmes, talking about weddings and frilly little trifles like that. Piggy admires how Dave "connects with chicks on many levels." But, all of this praise is just a faint memory now, my dears.

This week, the two teams are in Florida, and their mission is something typically swampy, mucky and muggy. Actually, darlings, it seems like every location these kids have visited so far is swampy, mucky and muggy, but you can be sure that Florida is even more so. The victorious team will be the one who can maneuver rattletrap swamp buggies with ease and panache in a series of events. Unfortunately for the Real World team, ease and panache are seriously lacking. A few members of the team have never driven stick shifts before, and Amaya feels queasy- again!- from eating bad shrimp. Please, mes fleurs, allow me emphasize: this lady is someone who used her religion to boycott bobbing for pig's feet, and yet she willingly snarfs sausage and shellfish. What was in those shrimp? Beef?

Dave becomes visibly agitated at the prospect of another dismal loss, and he proceeds, true to the axiom, to find some company for his misery. He fumes at Heather's inexperience with manual transmissions and then blusters at Amaya's ever-present nausea and incompetence. Sure, I can concede that the situation is irritating, but a true sportsman makes the best of it and moves on. Dave just wants to pull everyone else down into the pit with him. So, what should be a muddy, madcap relay race featuring inflatable alligators turns into a Bataan Death March featuring inflatable alligators. And, the Real World team loses, again.

The next event, which involves scooping up bath toys with a giant net while keeping the buggy is in motion, is no more successful for the Real Worlders, even though Heather B. has everyone pat her rump for luck. Maybe the whole rump-patting debacle is to blame for the disqualification of Kat and Dave as they break the no stopping/no U-turn rule and then get stuck in a big hole. Yes and Holly's buggy has a mechanical failure, but they still do better than Kat and the ever-bellowing Dave.

In the last race, the blindfolded driver must direct the buggy via the verbal directions of his navigator. Yes and Holly win this one handily, too. Dave, who was in the driver seat this time, blames a faulty gas pedal for his loss, and then tells the official that there's no point in holding any more of the races since his team simply has no chance of winning. The officials, perhaps eager to end this pitiful performance, comply. Heather B. is pretty upset about this; even if there's no chance of winning, she reasons, it's only fair to complete the whole mission and keep up the good fight. But, Dave can't learn any sportsmanship lessons, since he's already stalked off, all sulky and sweaty. And, what's more, the Road Rules team gets fancy trophies!

Mais oui, the Real World team members all say they're tired of losing and that something has to change immediately. They've said that for a few weeks in a row. It's almost become an end-of-episode tradition; oh, Mike's saying that he doesn't like to lose- we must have about three minutes left! Dave steals the Road Rulers team lucky skull, hoping to win by theft what he can't by skill. I'm sure we'll see the fruits of that labor soon enough, my bonbons.

There's actually another plot-line this week, and it has nothing to do with three-legged races or E-Trade dollars. Imagine! Holly and Dan are getting to know each other, and they like how very similar they are. Other cast members also think the resemblance is remarkable and assume that something will eventually blossom between "the sweetest boy in the world" and Miss All-America. Alas, Dan already has a girlfriend back home. In a matter of seconds, Holly goes from admiring his constancy to tearfully declaring that Dan must care for her just as much as that flea-bitten old hag. Okay, she didn't call Dan's girlfriend "a flea-bitten old hag," but you get the idea.

Who's Shirtless This Week? Again, it's the usual shirtless suspects: Mike, Teck, Dan and Dave. Dave, believing he will someday win some sort of prize for his daring, is bare-chested more often than anyone else.

Who's Hitting Upon Whom? Never mind Kat trying on Dave's greasy old hat and smelling his shaving lotion. That's just a decoy. The real action this week is between Holly and Dan on the Road Rules team. Why not? They could produce a bundle of ultra-bland babies together.

Most Annoying Cast Member? Dave managed to be just as sulky and whiny as Amaya has ever been, except he did it in his own very special, belligerent way.

Quote of the Week: "If they want to run around and act stupid, that's fine. That's more power to us." Yes says this about the Real World team, but it could very well be my philosophy about watching this show, sweeties.

Next Time: The Real Worlders play a prank! And, as a bonus, Los feels lonely!

Want to tell Mrs. Filthy something?

This Week, Mrs. Filthy's Reading:

Inside Music: How to Understand, Listen to and Enjoy Good Music by Karl Haas

The Tiny One by Eliza Minot