Mrs Filthy's "Battle of the Seasons" Review


February 25, 2002

No Nuts!

The big, bad hurricane is just a faded memory now, much to the relief of our little competitors. The kids can move back into their luxurious villas, where as Josh puts it, "I can take a dump whenever I want." It just doesn't get any better than that, right? Oh, and phone service is up again, allowing Holly to babytalk long-distance to Chadwick. If the Road Rulers thought they were finally escaping from all that cooing and cuddling, they had another thing coming!

Another person who is glad to have phone service once again is Stephen, who claims "More than anyone here, I really connect with my world." That's only, my dears, because no one in Cabo wants to speak to him. His toothy teammate Lindsay is everybody's favorite, full of vim and vigor and rah-rah spirit, but Stephen just has the tendency to rub folks the wrong way. Especially Coral, who does not relish being told, "I think it's impossible for you to be rational," by Mr. Irrational Anger himself.

Stephen may be a lump in the Real Worlders' collective porridge, but to Team Road Rules, lumpy porridge is better than the mess they're in. Chris proposes a reward system, much like the one the Real Worlders have, to improve morale and teamwork. Everyone seems okay with the scheme, except Wifey Holly, who harbors a great deal of resentment towards those homewrecking Road Rulers. Oh, she's not going to make anything easy, you can see that.

So, mes amis, the mission this week is that old P.E. staple, the rope climb. Each contestant has three minutes to climb as high as they can; each marker he passes equals a point. The kids labor far into the night, braving chapped hands and knees- as well as other parts. Somehow, Stephen gets his crotch involved and his howls of "Ow! My nuts!" are heard as far as Durango and Mexico City. The usually sunny Lindsay is suddenly less than optimistic about their chances.

By and large, the Road Rules teams perform better than the Real World teams, but it's the Real World New Orleans team, Danny and Kelley, that comes out on top. Actually, "Skinny Minnie" Kelley is the big winner, since Danny's fear of heights keeps him close to the ground. But, they both receive a 20,000 dollar online shopping spree. Kelley is thrilled, since she and beau Peter are low on funds; tell me, can one buy milk and tuna fish at

The Road Rules inner circle remains the same as last week: Dan/Tara, Timmy/Emily and Holly/Theo. Now they must decide whether to follow their new kinder and gentler strategy and eliminate those bottom-feeders Bisou and Chris, or to go after the threatening #4 spot, Josh and Holly. Most want to start a new tradition of Road Rules fairness, but Mrs. Holly, now that her hubby is gone, is up to her old tricks. Evidently, her definition of "fair" concerns only treatment of Chadwick and herself. Everyone else can go rot in hell (why else do you think she prays so much?).

The Real World inner circle is made up of Sean/Elka, Danny/Kelley and Mike/Coral. If they continued with their plan, Team Miami would be goners. That might be fine; would anyone really miss that tubby Mike and Flora? However, Stephen is so unpopular that some of the Real Worlders, especially Coral, are tempted to get rid of him. On the other hand, Kelley cannot bring herself to vote Lindsay off, even if that means three more weeks in Mr. "Dark Cloud's" company. This episode ends with a stalemate, something the Real Worlders were hoping to avoid with all their hugs and kisses.

Next Week: Will the Real Worlder unity crumble like a day-old tortilla?

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This Week, Mrs. Filthy's Reading:

The Captive (Remembrance of Things Past, Vol. 5) by Marcel Proust