The 25 Biggest Threats to the New Millennium

Enough looking back. As long as we had gathered our experts we decided to quiz them on what will stop the next millennium. They responded with a list so bone-chilling it'll send a shiver down your spine. For those who believe the world will go on after people die, they are correct. But, animals don't have watches and, therefore, the Millennium will end.

25. Giant Praying Mantids (45)
24. Black Holes (45)
23. Limeys (50)
22. Air pollution (50)
21. Larry's Villa in Las Vegas (50) - If ever a strip club could end civilization, this is the one.
20. Comeuppance (50)
19. Incompetence (50)
18. Canned coffee (50)
17. Azad Schnorkian (50)
16. A return of the dinosaurs (50)
15. A meteor (50)
14. Ace Ventura, Pet Detective (50)
13. Loss of Interest (50)
12. E-mail Letter Bombs (50)
11. Melting Polar Icecaps (60)
10. Consumerism (60)
9. Overpopulation (70)
8. The Ol' Thermonuclear Destruction (78)
7. Teenagers (80)
6. Opponents of the Causey Way (80) - The Causey Way is not a Cult!
5. The Big Empire (100)
4. Plagues (125)
3. Water Pollution (140)
2. Global Economic Crisis (200)
1. The Internet (249) There was a reason that they didn't have the Internet back in 1000 A.D. People back then were wise enough to know the damage that would ensue once every bozo in the world had access to every other bozo and his "Sailor Moon" fetish. Of course, the Big Empire is making responsible use of the Internet.

Other Things That Might Kill Us: giant ants, global warming, sodomy, alien robot wars, party poopers, the Red Menace, dirty dancing, another Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, party-hat eye-poking, depletion of the earth's natural resources, the rave scene, overwhelming ennui, glass towers on the moon (this according to some crazy guy in the El Cortez), an invasion of men from Mars and women from Venus, bingomania, Joey Lawrence (there's a reason he's been keeping out of the public eye), millennial fever and memory loss.

On to Other Lists


Big Empire

Post-it Theater

Las Vegas

The Gift ElectroniquÈ

Big Empire Buddies

Filthy Critic

Mrs. Filthy

Sake Drenched Postcards

Gooden Worsted



©1999 by Randy Shandis Enterprises. Questions or Comments?