For years and years, Siegfried and Roy were the most irresistible love potion in Las Vegas. Every man or woman who could afford it was swept into the romantic world created by these two poofy-haired Germans in tight pants. They pointed to the way to romance: the flesh-eating tigers, the look Siegfried gives Roy, the way really big stuff appears to disappear into thin air, and the codpieces so big and hearty they look as though they're built to protect against nuclear attack.

Yes, for many years, Las Vegas's Spanish Fly was available only to people with nearly one-hundred bucks to spend. Now, however, a new breed of shows is set to stir the loins of America's tourist class, and for a fraction of the price. These shows offer the heady blend of magic and boobs. They are The Plaza's new "Hot Trix," San Remo's "Les Trix" and the New Frontier's "Booty Magic" (swear to God) and offer the common man some romantic class, with the emphasis on the ASS. And before you see even get a chance to see these titillating offerings, the Big Empire hopes to mount its own production on the Las Vegas Strip. Ours will be so romantic that people will leave the theater groping complete strangers. The title says it all, "Poof: Butts and Boobs."

"Hot Trix" is the latest in a long line of misspelled shows in the Plaza Theater. It comes shortly after "Boylesque," which replaced "Xtreme Scene," an embarrassing mix of topless women dancing on big red lips, mimes, and hooded-Druid dance numbers.

At about $30, "Hot Trix" is one-third the price of Siegfried and Roy, and it offers a full dozen more boobies. Ancien hackj comic Pete Barbutti serves as the master of ceremony. He's an easygoing fellow who never confuses an audience by telling new jokes.

As soon as Barbutti loosens you up, Karen Denise's Naked Angels take the stage. Don't get these girls confused with the Charlie's or God's angels, who don't take off their tops on stage and cup their own enhanced boobs. These Naked Angels are a dominatrix who takes off her top, a shy businesswoman who takes off her top, and a Venezuelan who does a naughty dance on a sofa and takes off her top. Feeling a little dirty? Ringleader Karen Denise doesn't make her angels' breasts do all the heavy lifting, though. She gets into the act in a steamy bathtub scene.

Despite your pleading, Comic Pete Barbutti isn't done with you yet. He returns to stir the pot with controversial observations about the Circus Circus buffet, cramped airplane seats, and how foreigners work at 7-11s. Like any great comic, though, he's not just about laughs. In fact, you'll find yourself not laughing a lot.

Does it got hot and steamy in the showroom? Yes it does. In fact, it gets Hot Trix. Just when you thought this show wouldn't present anything more spectacular than common strippers, two topless prestidigitators perform feats of illusion that will amaze not only small and stupid children, but also even smaller and stupider ones. This is magic the likes of which would give the art a bad name if it the girls weren't topless. Luckily, the tricks need no explanation; you're already sexily familiar with all of them. No having to sit there wondering "How did they do that?" because the way Hot Trix does their act, you'll already know.

There is little known about "Booty Magic" at the New Frontier. What is known is that while "Hot Trix" focuses on breasts, "Booty Magic" is about the fanny. We haven't seen it, but understand the show offers the most magilicious asses in Las Vegas. These are booties out of which flowers might suddenly appear, or into which a top hat may vanish.

"Booty Magic" offers more than just illusion. Girls with butts dance, and girls with butts lip-sync. There is a comic, with a butt, who tells jokes, some of which are about his posterior. And, just because the show is booty-centric does not mean they ignore women's breasts. No, this sexy show gives you a few of those too.

Is 'Booty Magic' appropriate for children? Great question! Here at the Big Empire, we have to say, no, this is not a good show for children under 12, unless those children are really, really interested in butts. Parents, use your own best judgment.

Rounding out our review of Las Vegas's sexiest magic is the low-budget "Les Trix." This show is geared to a specific crowd, one that feels right at home in the triple-wide trailer/theater. There are only 180 seats for this show, which makes the exposed breasts to audience member ratio the highest of the shows mentioned here. And, it's price of only $25.99 is almost $3 less than "Hot Trix."

"Les Trix" dazzles its audience with the sexy, time-tested combination of topless magic, topless dancing, comedy and naked trained fowl. Bird trainer Clint Carvalho has hundreds of totally birds who dazzle the audience with their acrobatics, vocal exercises and comedic hijinks. All the while, these birds are completely nude, top and bottom, and there isn't an ugly bird in the bunch.

But, just when the sexiness reaches fever pitch, comic Joe Trammel cools you down with a unique brand of comedy that is designed not so much to amuse as it is to make you uncomfortable. Imagine a man in wacky costumes acting out snippets of pop songs. Trammel aims high for biting commentary about our society, such as making fun of Stevie Wonder's blindness and pretending to be a flailing dolphin on stage.

The bar has been set low by this trio of sexy shows, but "Poof: Butts and Boobs" is going to go lower. I can't get into too many details without the other shows stealing our ideas, but let's just say that where those shows offer nudity on stage, we plan to offer it in the audience. When they say "topless," we'll say "bottomless." Where these shows offer passable magic, our magic will boggle your mind. "Where is all the blood coming from?" you'll wonder aloud. "Is that poor man all right?" And prison-comic Larry X will have you in the aisles with his hilarious retelling of the antics of his friends in Cell Block C.

The Big Empire will once again be the sexiest ticket in Las Vegas.

(If you own a major casino and you want to shock your patrons, please contact Mr. Randy Shandis with an offer.)

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